I was using this blog for therapeutic reasons, but I haven't been posting lately even though I really should be. I am still enjoying my job, but I seem to have bouts of paranoia. On the weekends I tend to just sit around and do nothing or I do meaningless stuff so that to keep myself busy. I am not exactly sure what I am hiding from, but my avoidance issues are still in full force. This weekend was pretty bad as I ignored two party requests. I really felt uncomfortable about possibly attending either one. I felt like it would take a lot of energy to attend either off them and pretend to have a good time.

Anyhow, at work I am feeling like I am letting my boss down even though I have only been there about five months, I feel like I should be performing better. I have a lot of experience and I should be able to bring it all to bear to solve the issues, but I spend a lot off time second guessing myself. I also have gained a lot of weight since starting the job. I really need to watch what I eat and get some better exercise. I am feeling a little lost in my life and I feel like there is something missing. I know I would feel better if I would clean my house but again I can't seem to do it. At this point out seems insurmountable. It is all just excuses-and I know that logically, but it still doesn't seem to make a difference.



On the plus side I really want to do something I find fun I was looking st some Legos and I really though about piling out an old set or maybe one of the new sets I haven't opened