Merry Christmas!! 

Lately it seems like I only post on Mondays.  It has been a rather long week.  After rushing through last week, it continued into this week as I got ready to go see my parents on the east coast.  Unfortunately, before I could do that I was trying to close down the corporation I started in the spring, and ran into a last minute snag.  The business valuation my CPA was doing turned out to be the wrong thing and I had to find someone else to do one.  I am still trying to get it done by the end of the year, but it doesn't look good.  I am still hopeful though.

The drive down was nice, I listened to Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Trader--both part of the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis on my iPod. I even started The Silver Chair, but using a FM transmitter didn't work as well as I had hoped and I kept having to change the station.  I wish they was a better way to listen to them in my car.

Christmas was good, but it was also somewhat disappointing.  Since I am unemployed, I didn't buy many gifts this year and feel really bad about it.  On top of that there were not very many people at home this year, so it was light in that manner as well.  Also, I didn't tell people what I needed or wanted--because I don't seem to know--and so I didn't get much in the way of gifts.  One of my sisters did send me some Star Wars cookie cutters, sandwich cutters and a Darth Vader spatula--all from Williams Sonoma.  They are very nice, but extremely impractical.  I like getting some things that are impractical. Santa Claus brought me some tools and also put a set of Buckyballs in my stocking.  The Buckyballs are a lot of fun--I highly recommend them--but they are definitely not for children.

I slept so good over the weekend, but now that the week has started, so has my anxiety.  I have the whole closing down the corporation thing and the resume bootcamp thing that are now weighing very heavily on my mind.  I regret so many things and I wish I could just let them go.  That is my New Year's wish is that I will learn to let things go and not dwell on every little detail. Also, I hope to be a little more positive and upbeat.  Wish me luck.

It has definitely been a whirlwind week.  With the holidays coming up, I have been running around like crazy.  Last Monday I went to Sprint to take back the Samsung Galaxy Tab--the amount of money it was going to cost on a monthly basis just wasn't worth the money--and I found out I was one day over the time frame to return it.  This was devastating.  I ended up canceling the service and was able to reduce the penalty for early cancellation since I am a Sprint Premiere customer and have had Sprint service forever.  I was on the phone a long time to make this happen, but I feel it was worth it.  Unfortunately, I still have the device.  I thought I had someone who wanted to buy it, but I haven't heard back in a while.  I need to list it on Craig's List, but that is one of my issues I have had for a while.  I have a lot of junk that I want to get rid of, but I just don't do it.  Someday I will sell my PS/2, my Wii, and maybe some collectibles.

Tuesday, I spent a lot of time in bed.  I was having kind of a bad day from a depression point of view.  I had a lot of things I felt I needed to do for the resume class and decided not to play games that night.  I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted, but we have been through that.  Wednesday I went to fill out some paperwork at a temp agency so that I could get paid for some extra work I will be doing for a non-profit for whom I have been volunteering.  They wanted me to give a urine sample, so I had to get that done before I went home for my resume class.  I stopped at Wendy's for a bite to eat and then headed over.  I could not find the location and tried to call them.  Of course, there was no answer.  There was another location I had been given--and it had a similar name, so I called them to see if they could give me directions to the place nearby or any additional information I might need to go to their site.  Luckily they answered and got me to where I needed to go.  And then I went home for the class and followed up with D&D Encounters at my Friendly Local Game Store.

Of course, afterward, I went to a friends and played a game--A Game of Thrones LCG.  It is a "Living Card Game" which means they come out with new card sets every so often, but you buy the whole set at once instead of like "Collectible Card Games" where you buy packages of 11 or cards and hope to find a rare card in the mix that is worth some money.  Magic:The Gathering started the whole CCG thing if I am not mistaken.  Anyhow, the game was kind of interesting, but we only had two players so we didn't get to use the title figures or the board.  I ended up losing because my opponent was able to play a plot card that enabled him to go through his plots faster so that on the last round I was stuck with my one remaining plot and he had just refreshed his plot deck.  It was very close and had the stars aligned just right I could have won.

Thursday was spent all day practically volunteering.  I did some Christmas shopping for my sister, went home, and then went to a confession service at the church--I have not been to confession in over 25 years.  It went well, but I am not sure I feel forgiven--but then again my life has been on overdrive the last couple of days.  Friday was my trip to the psychologist and then I went looking for a coach's jacket for my sister to give to her boyfriend.  That was kind of a hopeless cause.  These jackets are no longer fashionable and I am not sure coaches even wear them any more.  I was unable to find one and then I was left rushing to get ready to meet some friends for dinner prior to going to the club.

A friend of mine had knee surgery Friday morning and somewhere in all this time she called and asked if I would stay with her overnight.  Because of the anesthesia she was not supposed to be alone for the first 24 hours.  Reluctantly, I agreed.  So while getting ready, I also had to pack a bag for the night.  She came to the club with other friends for the party and then I took her home after.  At the party she won the 19" LED flat screen TV they were giving away and she was so excited.  I didn't sleep well Friday night since it was a strange place and I was worried she would stop breathing and I wouldn't notice--it wasn't until I got to her house that she tells me the reason they want someone there is that death is one of the complications from anesthesia.  I must have had a weird look on my face because she kind of laughed and started teasing me.  Anyhow, she lived through the night and in the morning, she made some breakfast and we watched a little TV.  As we were leaving Friday night, she had muttered something about me hooking up the TV, so Saturday I told her I wanted to see the picture and we should set up.  So we did--of course, that meant moving the old TV to one of the bedrooms--where there was already a TV--and doing some shuffling of other things.  All I can say is that even without high def service, the picture is really good.  While I was reconnecting the TV in the bedroom, the light went out.  I thought I had blown a fuse, but turns out the bulb was separating.  I went to unscrew the bulb and the glass part moved but the metal base did not.  I got some pliers and went to remove the metal base and she got kind of nervous and made me promise I wouldn't electrocute myself--I wondered if she understood I was thinking similar thoughts the night before.  We watched some more TV and talked about some things, which was all good and I finally left with enough time to go home, clean up a little and get to some other friends' house for games--usually Settlers of Catan with most of the expansions.

I enjoy Settlers, but honestly I play it an awful lot these days. Anyway I got there a little late and they already had six players, so they had already started a game.  I sat one the sidelines giving advice and quoting rules--I am very much a rules lawyer, but I try not to be too obnoxious--I evidently failed by interrupting one of the other players when he was trying to explain certain rules.  Once they finished there were 8 people so we broke off into 2 groups with one group playing Settlers of Catan and the other playing Dominion.  I played Dominion with two other guys--one of whom had played Dominion a couple of times and one who had never played.  The games were good and I won the first game, but lost all the rest.  I managed to leave at a decent time since I knew I had a busy day on Sunday.

I got home Saturday night and tried to go straight to bed, but it didn't work and I didn't get to sleep until around 2:00 PM.  I had planned to go to church prior to playing games, but spent too long with my injured friend.  When the alarm went off Sunday morning, I just couldn't get out of bed and I was supposed to make pierogie at my friends' up north.  When I finally got up, there was a message to buy some kolache before I came to their house.  I ended getting there about a half hour late.  It wasn't a problem though, I still helped make some 300 pierogie before the end of the day.  I enjoyed it, but it was very tiring.  I stayed for dinner, but came home shortly after--which is unusual for me, but I was tired.  I got home and was ready for bed at 8:00 PM.  I got ready for bed and did some stuff on the computer until about 10:00 PM when my battery ran out and I was so tired I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.  I was asleep shortly after.

I woke up this morning around 6:00 AM and instead of getting up and embracing the day, I turned over and slept a little while longer.  When I couldn't sleep anymore, I watched a little TV and kind of zoned out--again not getting up and embracing the day.  I didn't get out of bed until my resume class.  After that, I finally got in touch with the people to close down the corporation--and the news didn't seem that good.  I am thinking I am going to have to hired a certified valuation professional.  I am never going to get this done.  I really want the corporation closed this year, but now I am not sure it is going to happen.

I always seem to complain bout not getting things done--which is my life these days.  But the rest of last week was focused on a couple of key things--the most important being my friends coming over for dinner, gift exchange, and gingerbread house building.  I kept planning to clean my house all week and of course I waited until the last minute.  I always cut it close, but...  I get ahead of myself.

On Thursday I had a long talk with the instructor of the resume writing class I am taking.  She gave me a hard time, but she also knew what I was going through and was trying to help.  I appreciate that she was working so hard to help me.  I, of course, had tunnel vision and could only see the need to clean my house.  I tried to work on the stuff she wanted me to, but I fell short of meeting the objective.

Friday was more trying to clean, and I did make some headway.  I stayed in bed too long and then had my psychologist appointment.  I told him I thought something was against me, but he kept pointing out how well I was dealing with the adversity in my life--namely backing into the garage door.  He made some comment about the passage in the Bible regarding cutting off your hand if it offends you.  I think he said it was in Mark somewhere.  I tried looking it up to get more context, but I couldn't find.  I probably could if I searched on the internet.

Friday night was a party at the club.  I managed to clean a little in between, but it wasn't very much.  There was next to no one at the club.  All the other people who help behind the bar were all gone.  I did the bar by myself and there was only one person helping pick up the cups afterward.  They all had good reasons--birthday, Jim Brickman concert somewhere out of town, bladder surgery, preparing for a party the next night.  The club wasn't that full in general and when I closed the bar to dance, it wasn't really a problem--and I had plenty of room on the floor for a quickstep.

Saturday was the big Christmas party that some friends hold every year.  I started out the day grocery shopping and then frantically cleaning the house.  I got a lot done, but there was still a lot to do.  In the middle of this I was also making the gingerbread and baking the first half.  My house smelled great.  I finally had to quit to get ready for the party.  I was trying to show up closer to on-time--I ended getting there about 45 minutes after it started.

When I got to the party, I was surprised how many people were already there--I normally come late as I thought all people did.  There were several people I knew would be even later due to other commitments.  The party was good and I got to see a good friend I hadn't seen since the spring.  She has darkened her hair and it looked great.  When she went blond it kind of washed out her face a little, but the new color makes her face glow.  Plus I think she has lost a little weight--I probably should have asked.  Women always like to be asked if they have lost weight.  I keep thinking I should ask her out, but that is way far away from where I am emotionally.  I just don't have the guts to do it.  Plus, why would she go out with me--I'm short, fat and bald.  Well, not as fat as I was, but I am still overweight.  Anyhow, when I wanted to leave around 11:00 PM, I revealed that I was teaching Sunday School to explain why I needed to go.  The friends who were there were surprised--everyone kept asking me how long have I being doing that.  I think they were hurt that I hadn't said anything before, but they know that I don't talk religion around them.  Anyhow, the party was good and the food was great.  It was snowing when I finally left around 11:30--I was pleased with how the Prius handled in the blowing wind and snow.  It was super cold so the snow was very dry and was blowing around causing visibility issues.

Sunday morning I got up early to put together a lesson plan.  I managed to throw something together and headed off a little late.  Class went well--I handed out kisses as the kids participated by reading or answering questions.  I even got a few gifts from the students.  We were missing almost half the class, which I am assuming was because of the snow and cold.  I contemplated skipping church to finish cleaning and get ready for my friends to arrive, but I went.  After church I came home and cleaned furiously and baked the second half of the gingerbread house.  I was wrapping presents when my friends arrived.  I had not finished vacuuming and the kitchen was a mess.  My friends said only good things and I went about cooking dinner.  Normally, we wait until after we eat to do the house, but we are always rushed so I suggested we do it before.

I tried a new icing recipe--a buttercream.  I chose this mostly because I already had the ingredients and the royal icing we had used in the past was too runny.  Well, this time the icing was too thick and the kids kept breaking the bags.  Icing was everywhere.  They got through the decorating while I continued making dinner--ham, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, and crescent rolls.  I had apple sauce as well, but forgot about it.  When we were eating I kept thinking something was missing.  After dinner we opened gifts and I was kind of teary eyed for some reason during the gift part.  I still don't know why.  My friend's aunt came with them and she brought me a little gift--I had something for her, but did not expect anything at all.  The kids really liked the scarves--the boys wrapped them around their heads to become ninjas.  Everyone was appreciative of the gifts which made me feel good.  They got me the game Smallworld and a gift card to Lowe's.  I am not a do-it-yourselfer and they said that part of the stipulation was that I needed to let them know what they needed help with so they could come and help.  I had a hard time keeping it together.


I made more icing to assemble the house and made it thinner--unfortunately too thin.  It was very runny and the house wouldn't stay together.  It is still partially erected on my table.  I need to decide what to do to get it finished so I can take it there this weekend when I go up to make pierogies.  I go up most years and help with them.  They are basically my surrogate family since my family is so far away--plus I feel like I am distancing myself from my family even though I have seen them an awful lot this year as compared to years past. 

I think the problem is that I feel so guilty when I am at my parents' even though I don't getting anything more done when I am at home.  I still need to decide if I am going back for Christmas--I have pretty much decided I will, it is just a matter of when and for how long.  It would upset my sister a lot if I don't go home, plus I am supposed to buy her present for another sister and I haven't done it yet which means I haven't mailed it yet.  I am not sure how much more time I have to mail stuff.  I feel like such a grinch since I am not buying hardly any gifts this year.  I need to get my parents something, but I have no idea what.

I need to get to bed.  Let's see if I can get a sleep pattern going where I actually sleep.

I am struggling with getting things done. Yesterday I attended the Resume Writing call without having done all the necessary prep work. The woman holding the classes is being very agreeable and letting me get away with it. I had a one-on-one call with her later and requested that she give me some more specific deadlines. I had so much anxiety yesterday morning prior to the call that I was almost physically sick--I haven't really been eating well since I got back from Thanksgiving and I know part of it is that I am so far behind on everything and have no energy to do anything. I have to think that part of the low energy is the fact that I haven't been eating.

On top of everything I keep finding ways to avoid doing what I need to do, such as writing on this blog. I have friends coming over to celebrate Christmas this Sunday, some friends' holiday party on Saturday and deadlines for my resume class. I also am trying to close down my corporation before the end of the year so that I won't have to deal with it next year. I feel like I am accomplishing things, but just not enough and definitely not fast enough.

I still feel like there is some evil force working against me. This past Saturday I backed into my garage door on my way to play games at a friend's house. My sister had called me earlier in the day and I decided I would call her while I was driving. I opened the garage door and went to the mailbox and got the mail. I got in the car and tried to call my sister. I was having some difficulty, but resisted the urge to start the car, because I wanted to be safe. I finally decided I was not going to call her, hit the garage door opener and started to back out when I heard it stop. Did you catch the error--yep, the garage door was already open and I closed it when I hit the opener. I heard a loud crunch and my heart just sank. It took me at least 15 minutes to get the door open manually so that I could get the car out. I took quite a few more minutes to close the garage door. Now my car is out in the cold and I need to call someone to fix the door. I don't really want to spend the money, so it is waiting for now.

My sister did call me as I was driving and I ended talking to her for a while including several minutes outside my friend's house. Her oldest son has decided to divorce his wife--she has been in and out of mental health facilities and has been staying with her parents for the past several months going to school to finish an advanced degree. While I hate it when anyone gets divorced, I can understand why he is doing it. My sister was worried about how the kids would take it, but their mom has been out of their lives for the last couple of years while she was dealing with her issues. I think my nephew is doing the right thing and I think they will all be fine. My nephew was very hesitant to take this step because my sister divorced his father when he was young and he knows first hand what it can do to a child, but his situation is so different from his parents.

I am even having trouble concentrating on this right now, so I will bid you all adieu.

Well, it didn't go so good. I managed to not do a thing prior to the phone call for the resume class and then did nothing more after. I stayed in bed too long and then the class ran long and I had to rush to get to my psychologist appointment. After the appointment I went to the Bernina store to price out embroidery thread. I was disappointed at how expensive the variegated threads were. Part of th problem is that they had Isacord thread which is a bit more than the brand they stock for the solid colors. I am supposed to pick up some thread as a Christmas present for my older sister from another one of my sisters. I have an inventory of the thread she currently has and I gt to make the decision of what colors to get. I wanted to get variegated thread, but that will cut down on the amount of spool since one spool of variegated costs as much as almost 3 solid colors. I have a little more time to decide.

I also stopped by the mall to see how Christmas was coming along. I was surprised to see how may carts and shops were in the mall, Last year it looked pretty sparse and I wondered if the mall was in a decline, but it is hopping this year. I was trying to think what I could get some people for Christmas, but mostly just wandering. I wandered mostly through the stores with games. Go games already had some interesting games on sale, but still not enough off. Barnes&Nobles seems to have an expanded games section. Somehow it makes me a little sad.

Anyhow I got home in time to check some mail, surf the web, change and meet some friends for dinner before heading to the club. I danced a little more at the club tonight and Peter was back from the east to get his stuff ready to be moved out of his ex-wife's house. It was good to see him again. Some other friends who are having a baby stopped by the club after their office Christmas party. She was looking just about ready to deliver--but she still has three weeks. I almost put the burp cloths my sister help me make in the car just in case I ran into them, but didn't. I am not sure when I will see them next.

Once again, I need to go to sleep--bonne nuit et doux rêves.

So Tuesday I go to the DMV to register the Prius so I can send the license plate back to my sister and her husband. I forgot it was the end of the month and that there would be a lot of last minute registering of vehicles. I should have guessed when the web ticket site was not working correctly. To make matter worse the renewal website had been down since the 24th. I waited several hours only to find out I needed to go to another location to have the car inspected first--and it was too late to get it done. I managed to get up early Wednesday and get in line via the website. I then go the car inspected and had a bite to eat before returning to the DNV at the appointed time. I waited about 20 minutes--it was a much better experience.

I missed the call for the resume workshop on Wednesday because I fell asleep. I was concerned what the instructor would think, so I sent an email apologizing. She was concerned that I was dropping out and seemed happy I was not. I am still not caught up, but I will trudge forward nonetheless.

I did manage to go to D&D Encounters, but it wasn't as much fun. I blame two things, a. I was sitting at the far end of the table and couldn't hear very well and 2. The young people at the other end were joking around and carrying on--I felt old and out of touch. The other old people were distracted with Talking Santa and Talking Tom on their Android phones. Of course, I played along a little with the Galaxy Tab that I need to take back in the next week. I did not follow the story and definitely did not follow all the jokes at the other end of the table. I went grocery shopping afterwards instead of going to my friend's house to play board games.

Today, I went and volunteered. While I still feel that I am not doing things fast enough, I felt like I accomplished quite a bit. The main thing was figuring out why one computer was not trusted by the network. Turned out it had the same name as another computer--if I were the network I would not trust someone with the exact same name as someone else. To make matters worse, no one knew a local ID for the machine. Luckily I figured it out by looking at one of the other Windows 7 machines set up about the same time--I also made an excellent educated guess as to the password. I was able to log into the local machine, remove it from the domain, change the name and re-add it to the domain. The young lady was very happy.

I needed to work on some stuff for the resume class and some stuff to close down the corporation, but didn't--I really need to get motivated on that tomorrow. I am hoping to get to bed early and then get up rested and rarin' to go tomorrow. I let you know how that goes.