I am back home and the anxiety is returning.  Actually, it is not as bad as I thought.  I had more anxiety the last couple of nights wondering what I would have waiting for me when I got home.  It wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been, but I am kind of avoiding my life right now.  For new year's I was planning to be more happy and positive--and to not avoid things.  I am avoiding already, but I will try to change over the year.  A friend of mine told me about a job opening and I am pinning a lot of hope on this job possibility.  My finances are not good and my Cobra runs out in March.  I could really use an income and health benefits at this point.

The holiday wasn't too bad even though I was back with my parents--it was about what I expected.  I still feel I should have stayed home and gotten some of the business things taken care of.  This is part of why my finances are a mess--it is really the business finances that are a mess. I should never have started this business.  I need to schedule an appointment with my doctor while I still have insurance and get my prescriptions refilled--especially the anti-depressant.  Last time I went off it, the result was not good.  I could probably do it if I had a job, but I am not sure.

The best part of the trip was the drive down and back.  While it is extremely long and tiresome, I was able to listen to some books on tape.  Between Thanksgiving and this trip, I got through four of the Narnia books by C. S. Lewis--Prince Caspian, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, The Silver Chair and finally The Last Battle.  The Last Battle just went on and on at the end and was not what I was hoping for to tie the series up.  Unfortunately, I finished the book several hours before the trip was done.  I ended up catching up on The Onion podcast and listening to a few old Paul and Storm podcasts.  At Thanksgiving, I had also caught up on Wil Wheaton's Radio Free Burrito podcast.  I have only gotten to November 2008 on the Paul and Storm podcast, but so far I like it.  It is really just the two of them talking about stuff--but that is all they promised and they delivered.  The bonus is that I find the stuff interesting.  I don't think it is for everyone, but I think a lot of people would find it interesting if they gave it a chance.

My only problem is that I have one of those FM transmitter thingies to play the iPod through the car stereo and it seems like I was changing the station every half hour and even then I got a lot of static.  I would never listen to music that way.  My next car will have an iPod connector or at least some kind of stereo auxiliary jack for an MP3 player.  I had one in the rental car after the crash and I loved it.  If I was employed, I probably would have replaced the car with a new car that had an MP3 jack compatible with my iPod.

Anyhow, tomorrow is a new day and I need to finish a resume.  I also want to get up and walk on the treadmill for a while.  One of my resolutions is to get more exercise--mostly because it is supposed to raise energy levels, but also I would like to lose a little weight.  I have already lost some because of the depression, but I think much of the weight I have lost has not been the right kind of weight loss.

Anyhow, lots to do tomorrow so I am heading to bed.  Let's see if I can change--I know that I can so I am sure it will happen (positive attitude? check).