Thanksgiving was good and I had a pretty good time. I did some embroidery, got to fly my kite, and spent some time with family. My niece and her daughter were there. My great niece is very cute and my niece is very protective--all first babies are so fragile. I guess I have been around so many children that I know there are not as fragile as they look, but I am still amazed at how other people act around children.

I went back to my sister's house on Saturday where I worked to finish up the shopping bags and some burp cloths for a friend who is due around Christmas. Another thing my sister has been making for my baby sister who had a little girl a few months ago are burp cloths from diapers. She sews a strip of cloth on one end and then embroiders a little saying above the strip. At first she just sewed the strip on and then she saw some burp cloths in the Christian book store with Bible verses on them. My baby sister's husband is a chaplain in the military, so she thought it would be cute to put Bible verses on hers. Anyhow, I did not put Bible verses on the ones I embroidered, but I did put little sayings. I tried to match the fabric--on one with stars and moons on the fabric, I embroidered "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on it. I also did one with the initial of their last name on it. I can't wait to give them to them and see what they say.

I didn't get them all done, because my sister was having problems with her toilet. We plunged for hours and couldn't get it clear. She even got a spring snake from my parents and we tried that for a while. In the end we left it for the morning. After church my Dad and brother came over and tried snaking out the vent since a plumber friend had suggested that. He managed to get a small wad of hair out, but the toilet still wasn't clear--in the end he pulled the toilet up and looked inside. There was actually a squirrel in the s bend. It was pretty disgusting. It was also very surprising. We pondered for a while how the squirrel got in there. Our best guess is that he somehow fell down the vent and tried to get out through the toilet. Of course, as much as we plunged, we could have sucked him up a little into the s bend, but we will never know. They are still talking about it back home.

Sunday I rode with my brother to meet my brother in law who I was buying a car from--I have a lot of sisters and therefore a lot of brothers in law. My sister and her husband were selling me their car at a really good price since I had totalled my car on Halloween. They said they were planning to trade it in on a new car when the end of the year sales started and would rather sell it to me to help me out than to trade it in. They were just being nice to me. I have never gotten much from my family in the past--not because my family wouldn't offer, but because I am not good at accepting. I have always felt like I needed to do everything myself--I think I have said that before. I am having some time dealing with accepting everyone helping me. Mom keeps giving me Wal-Mart gift cards telling me there is $50.00 on them and then I find out there is more--a lot more.

Anyhow, I bought the car--a Toyota Prius. I have wanted one for a while, but didn't want to pay the money for it. While I would have liked ot get a new one with all the bells and whistles, I am very excited about having this one. I drove it home and got decent mileage at first, but it declined as the hours passed. I think a part of it is that I was buying gas at Wal-Mart (see gift card discussion above) and they use ethanol which is not as good for the Prius. We'll see how things continue, because I would prefer to continue to get gas at Wal-Mart or Sam's using the gift cards.

I will continue the saga of the car tomorrow which will include my happy fun times at the DMV.

I have been somewhat depressed with a lot of my family here. I keep dreading them asking me questions about how my job search is going and if they can have a resume. I don't know why I feel them knowing more would ruin their image of me. I think it is actually doing the exact opposite. They all think I am lazy and don't want a job, which is somewhat true. Of course lazy is a subjective term and really is a person judgment of someone else.

I did go to the kite store (Klig's Kites) to get the standoff I lost. They were great and actually replaced both standoffs with ones that attach with a screw so that I won't lose them. I got my first stunt kite from Klig's almost 30 years ago and going back and getting such great service made me feel good. My local kite store closed many years ago so I was very happy to get it fixed. I even got to go out and fly it for over an hour on the beach. It is a dual line stunt kite and I did a better job with it than I have ever done before. The wind was somewhat light, but steady once I got above the condos. I only crashed once in the beginning and it was a very gentle crash. I had a really good time and am sorry that I haven't flown any of my kites in a while. I really missed my Revolution II quad line that I bought about 20 years ago in Lubbock, Texas. I flew a lot in Lubbock since there was a lot of wind, but it was always a pretty strong wind which taught me a lot of bad habits. The gentle wind was so nice, like butta.

My sister made dinner last night in her condo. It was really good. She made a couple of types of pasta--and I really like pasta. One of them had broccoli in it and I really like broccoli as an adult. I hated it as a kid, but I guess tastes change. She also made a cream tomato sauce by taking a jar of spaghetti sauce and adding some cream to it. I need figure out exactly how she did it because it was really good.

Most of the time I have been embroidering on scarves and reusable shopping bags. I decided to create scarves for some friends and their kids for Christmas. I am not sure if I have mentioned how cool the sewing machine is, but it is super sweet. Her machine is like 10 years old, but it still does a great job. The scarves came out good and I added a few embellishments to the kids scarves. The new thing for this year was the shopping bags. My sister had bought some 99 cent shopping bags from T J Maxx and embroidered an initial on them for Mom, mys sisters and my nieces who were there. They look really cool, so we picked up a few more bags at Bed, Bath and Beyond to do for some of my friends. My sister is now in love with the Curlz MT font. It is a cool font and I used it on my bags and some of the scarves.

I should be working on my resume stuff. I missed the class on Monday because of the connection at the resort. It kept going up and down and I couldn't get dialed out. I am over my cell phone minutes by over an hour and I can't really afford the overage so I didn't dial in using it. I am disappointed, but also relieved since I am behind on all the work I need to do. Hopefully, I will get it done when I get back home, but that doesn't seem to be how I work.

I am flying to the east coast to see my family for Thanksgiving and trying out the gogoinflight on the way.It works OK with the Samsung Tab, but it didn't work very well with my computer. I am not sure if it is just the large quantity of data that is being pushed from the computer, but I could not get any web sites to work other than gogoinflight.it is a nice concept, but I don't think it is ready for prime time. I was able to update facebook and twitter from the Tab, so I got over some of my frustration.

I really need to be working on my homework for the resume class I am taking. I planned to spend 10 to 15 hours working on it, but have yet to spend a single hour. The good news is that I finally got the financial information together and sent it to my accountant. I also sent an email to the people who set up the corporation to say I wanted to close it down. Hopefully I will hear something this week and maybe get some idea how long this process will take. I really have to thank my psychologist for making me finish that up. He made me promise that I would call him on Saturday at 2:00 pm to say whether I had completed the task or not. I didn't call him until later that night because I got carried away with other things I was doing and since I didn't finish until 4.

That was all I got done on the plane. While it was kind of cool to access the web on the plane, it wasn't as functional as I had hoped for. I spent way too much time trying to get connected and not enough being connected.

I am sitting in the library trying to work on my resume for this course/seminar I signed up for.  There are only three of us that signed up and I feel like more of a failure compared to the other two guys.  They are both much more energetic and have way cooler experience than me.  I was really hoping that I could find a kindred spirit in the class, but alas, I do not believe that will happen.  I am feeling more depressed and to top it all off, the library moved some shelves and stuff around and now I cannot get power at the tables.  I am having to sit in a comfy chair by a window.  I am about to fall asleep.

I have been having really weird thoughts lately.  I have started feeling like there is an external force working against me.  I saw a show the other morning about Satan and the end of times and I feel myself kind of wanting the end of times to come.  One of the weird things I have be feeling is a need to connect back tot the church.  I have been going to mass pretty regularly on the weekends and I even starting teaching Sunday School.  I keep thinking I want to go to Confession, but I haven't worked up the courage yet.  On the flip side I have feelings of wanting to die and I often feel like I am restricted from doing things.  It is like there is someone whispering all the bad things to me keeping me depressed and keeping my fear level high.  It is probably just me trying to blame anyone or anything else for all my failings.  I constantly distract myself from long periods of contemplation so that I the bad thoughts don't take hold, but that is also keeping the good thoughts from taking hold.  According to some religious texts Satan is trying to take over by convincing people to do bad things--I feel like through inaction, he is accomplishing the same thing.  If you are not actively fighting against evil and for a good and happy life, then you accepting it.  I am still not sure I believe that, but it seems consistent with church dogma.  We must believe in evil if we are to know what good is.  It seems that only through comparison can you truly understand good.

I try to be a good person and most of my friends would say I am basically good.  I do seem to tell untruths more often than I should and my very character is based on false demeanor.  I appear calm and confident even through I am nowhere close.  I keep telling everyone I am fine when I have this huge struggle inside me to move forward.  I am often depressed and down--and the shorter days only make it worse.  I am lying to the world, but it is just a small lie--it is not like I am telling everyone I am someone else, just that I am better than I am.

I really dread confession.  I haven't been in 25-30 years.  The last time I went I promised the priest I would go back in a certain amount of time which I have forgotten how long it was, but suffice it to say that I am long overdue on that promise.  I want to go, because I think it would be cleansing, but like most things in my life I just don't do it.  This is my daily struggle--doing things I want to do.  Some would say I don't want to do them bad enough--and maybe they are right, but it doesn't feel that way to me.  I feel like something is holding me back and maybe it is Satan--I just don't know.  I have a lot of friends that would laugh at me merely suggesting such a thing. 

I need to head home as I have things to do tonight.  I had said I would try to work 10-15 hours on my resume and I just don't see that happening by Monday.  Great.

I keep thinking I will update this blog more frequently, but I have the same problem with this as I have with everything else--I jut don't do it.  I am so the opposite of Nike.  I keep wanting to be different, but wanting doesn't make it so.  I am afraid my COBRA is about up and I may have to stop my sessions with my psychologist.  I probably should have seen a psychiatrist maybe it would have been a better experience--then again it may have all turned out exactly the same.

I signed up for a seminar to help me get a job and it is going to be a lot of work.  I am already procrastinating and I hope I can get more motivated quickly.  I am hoping that this will give me some accountability and get me going even if it is reluctantly.

My car was totaled from the accident I had a couple of weeks ago.  I am pleased with the amount my insurance company is giving me, but now I have to get a new car.  I haven't really looked for one and I need to get one soon.  My brother-in-law is trying to sell me his 2005 Prius.  I think it is in pretty good shape, but it has 135,000 miles on it and that concerns me a bit.  I would like to have a Prius as they get excellent gas mileage.  He says he will give me a good price, but I don't want them to feel like they did me a favor and now I owe them.  They lent one of my other sisters some money once and she felt like they held it over her for a while.  If I don't buy the Prius, then I need to get a car.  I am flying to the east coast on Sunday and I either need to have bought a car or decided to buy the Prius so that I can drive it back.  I am not excited about taking the time to drive back.

I did something completely bad.  I pre-ordered the Galaxy Tab from Sprint on Thursday.  I was shocked when it arrived on Friday.  It was free shipping and they must have overnighted it.  It is a cool little piece of hardware, but it doesn't seem to be helping me be productive.  I finally have a device that I can play Angry Birds on--and I have been playing too much.  One of the sites I frequent--Tanga--is starting a survey and offers type page and invited Super Tanga Users to try it out.  One of the offers I signed up for was Mint.com.  After I signed up, I found an Android app to interface with Mint.com.  I had been ignoring my bank accounts, because they were running low and I would have a panic attack when I thought about it.  My heart was racing so fast when the data loaded and I saw how little money I really have, so I guess it has been good for that.  I was excited that the Galaxy Tab supported flash, but most of my favorite websites do not work still--netflix streaming, the Dungeons and Dragons Compendium, Hulu.com, asobrain.com, and the USA Today crossword puzzle to name a few.  Evidently, the browser does not support Java.  My biggest complaint is that is can't make a phone call.  I can use Skype, but ony without video.  I tried Google Talk, but it will only allow text conversations.  It is also very expensive--approximatey $400 for the unit and approximately $30 a month for data services.  I wish there was a WiFi only version, but that is not due until late next year.  For $200.00 more I could have bought the thing outright from Sprint and canceled the required data plan.  Anyhow, the interface is great, I love the size, and the existing Android apps seem to work well.  If  I had a job I would probably not be taking back in a couple of weeks.

This weekend I went bowling with some friends to celebrate Dawn's 40th birthday.  I bowl maybe once a year or so.  My highest score was a 135 and that was really good for me.  I even had several strikes in that game.

Sunday school was nerve wracking.  I still haven't got the hang of it.  It went pretty well, but I am not sure what the kids are getting from it.  Hopefully, they are getting something out of it--I feel like I am.  After teaching the Rosary a while back, I was saying the Rosary practically every night.  This week I stopped--I am not sure whether if there was any effect on me.  I did feel a little guilty every night before bed.  I went ahead and said a Rosary tonight before writing this entry. 

Hopefully, I will be able to sleep tonight after realizing how little money I have and how much I have procrastinated on the resume application I am supposed to finish for Wednesday.  I haven't taken a sleeping pill for at least a week and I hope to keep that up--I have been taking anxiety pills on occasion.

Once more unto the breach,dear friends, once more...

I continue to update this blog and I wonder if it is being therapeutic at all.  I am struggling in life and can't seem to let people help me.  I feel weepy at weird times, I can't focus enough to watch a TV show all the way through, and reading seems completely out of the picture.  I even have trouble typing a blog entry.  One reason I force myself to type an entry every now and again it the lazy hope that people will click on the ads and I will make some money.  So far I'm up to about $8.00--in another year or so I might be able to fill up my tank if gas prices don't rise too much.

I went to a resume worskshop on Thursday and even though I didn't get the result I was looking for, I did feel better about myself. I need to go through the information given and finish a resume.  I went ahead and signed up for a more in depth 6 week bootcamp.  It is well worth the money if I get a job with a decent salary and one that I like.  I am working on zeroing on what I want to do--that is one of things I need to work out quickly.

As far as the car goes, I talked to the shop where it was taken on Tuesday.  They let me know they were giving an initial estimate of over 10 thousand dollars--that means it will most likely be totaled.  I am not excited about that.  I don't want to have to buy another car.  I will have to get a used car and it will not be as nice as my old one.  I borrowed a friend's car for most of the week, but finally rented a car on Friday.  I felt like I spent a lot of time going to my friend's house and back even though it was just the one night after the weekend.

I went to the graduation celebration and the open house at the club.  It was disappointing in that there weren't that many people graduating or there to watch.  Also, it seemed more disorganized than normal.  Also, the staff is changing and I just don't feel as much as part of it like I used to.  I believe this is contributing to my depression.  I wish I had money for some lessons.

I spent the rest of the weekend at a friend's playing games.  OK, I only played one game--Arkham Horror with the Dunwich Horror expansion from Fantasy Flight Games. It is a cooperative game where you try to close and seal gates to the Otherworlds before the Old One awakens and devours everyone.  One game took us somewhere between 6 and 7 hours.  I enjoyed the game, but since it took so long some people kind of faded after a while.  Today I watched them play Thief of Baghdad from Z-Man Games.  They had been playing for over an hour when I arrived.  I think it took 4 or 5 hours for someone to win.  Even though I watched for several hours, I still don't exactly know how to play the game.  It looked very interesting and hopefully I will have an opportunity to play it again someday.


I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!

Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Last week went slowly and I continued to get absolutely nothing done.  I went to the library several times to try and concentrate, but it didn't work.  A friend of mine had given me a copy of game that was similar to Dominion for the computer.  It has a campaign mode that dives you alternate goals to obtain certain cards before the AI ends the game and other things like that.  It hasn't been easy and I spent too much time trying to get through a couple of the goals in the campaign.  It definitely makes it a different experience.  I am still playing a lot of Explorers which is similar to The Settlers of Catan and Toulouse which is similar to Carcassonne.  I bought a computer game version of Puerto Rico a couple of years ago and have been playing that the last year.  I am definitely playing too many games on the computer.  I still have been playing D&D Enounters which is real life gaming.  After the last session I went to a friend's house where we played Runebound: 2nd Edition.  I haven't played Settler's of Catan with my other friends since before I went home for my reunion.  On Thursday, I met a friend at Panera Breaad and we played Seismic.  It was a pretty good game--a simple tile placing game similar to La Strada.  It made for good two player game.

Since yesterday was Halloween, the Friday party at the club was Halloween themed.  There was a little show in the middle of the party so they started the party early.  Friday night seemed to drag on.  I am feeling more and more out of touch with the people at the club.

On Saturday I was driving up to see a friend in an archery competition when I ran into another car--tearing up my right front fender and passenger door.  I wasn't cited in the accident, but evidently the insurance companies are putting me at fault right now.  There was evidently some debris in the road that th other car slowed down for.  All I saw was all the cars in front of me move either to the right or left and this car was sitting in the middle of the road.  I tried to go around but there was a truck next to me and I clipped the car because I wasn't able move all the way left.  I don't have the rental car option so I am borrowing a friend's car.  I am not sure how long I will be able to keep his car.  I think I might rent a really cheap car if he needs his car back.   My friend took first place in the competition for her category--just don't tell anyone she was the only one in her category.  SHe did well even though there was no competition.

Saturday night I went to a Pumpkin Carving party.  There weren't as many people as the previous years.  This year I carved a pumpkin--the last few years I hadn't done a pumpkin but after the accident, I really felt like carving.  I found a pumpkin with a green side and I carved a Cthulhu image from Cthulhu Dice.  I used an older version of Dremel 7000-PK 6-Volt Pumpkin Carving Kit that I bought a few years ago and never used.  I had fun and everyone was envious of my power tool.

Last night I went and saw the movie Red.  I liked the movie.  I expected more humor and a little less action, but it all worked.  The are some really good older actors and I think I prefer the actors from that generation.  There wasn't a lot of gratutios foul language or anything.  The story was good and it was just done well.  I would definitely recommend to anyone who wants action with some comedy.

Sunday morning I taught Sunday school by myself.  Even the aide was missing.  Her husband who evidently works with the second grade came in to help.  I thought it was kind f disastrous, but I doubt anyone else felt that way.  I went though the material I had prepared fairly quickly.  I probably should have gone a little slower and not abbreviated some of what I had planned, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for third grade.  Even though we were scheduled to do the Rosary a month ago, some of the parents received an email for their kids to bring a Rosary to class.  We spent the last twenty minutes saying three decades of the Rosary.  I felt kind of bad for the kids, but several of them wanted to do it since they brought the Rosary in.

Today I went and got some things out of my car.  The damag looked worse today than I remembered it.  It was also overcast and gloomy, so I am trying to console myself by saying it was the lighting.  Tomorrow I volunteer so I am headed to sleep, perchance to dream.