Friday I went to a psychologist because I am having a lot of problems getting out of bed and doing things. Evidently, I have high anxiety and I am dealing with it through avoidance. This is nice and good, but it hasn't helped me not have panic attacks today. I know tomorrow is going to be horrible. Yesterday I was playing game with some some friends and could not enjoy myself because I kept thinking about all the things I keep putting off. The psychologist suggested I get medication to help with the therapy, but I am not sure I an call my doctor to talk about it. I can't even seem to talk to my family. My family usually talks to me and I just listen and sometimes offer suggestions. I am so tired of people telling me just to do it.

I am so scared the franchisor will find out I am having emotional problems and will want to retract my franchise. While in a way, I wouldn't be too opposed to that.  I am not sure how I would really react to  failure of that nature.  I don't know what to do and waiting until next Friday to speak to the psych guy again may be too much.  I am wondering if Mondays or Tuesdays would be better since the beginning of the week is worse than the end.  At the end of the week I basically don't feel as guilty not working as I do at the beginning of the week.  I think Sunday evenings might be the worst since I just dwell on everything I have to do the coming week.  Of course I don't do anything, but the anxiety is there.

Right now I really need to be working so that I can start today off well, but I am still sitting in bed flipping back and forth between Star Trek: TNG and Phineas and Ferb.   Hopefully, therapy will help.  I have a hard time admitting it, but there are times that I wish I would die or at least get hurt enough so that I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. 

Anyhow, the two main things I learned on Friday are that I feel inferior and that I am afraid to disappoint everyone and anyone.  The one thing I should talk abut this week is that I really like to be praised and secretly wish to be viewed as a star, but always feel undeserving.