It has been a while since I posted anything and a lot has happened, but the most important is that I lost my job about eight months ago. OK, I know it isn't lost, I just don't have it any more. The good news is that I am healthier now than I have been in a while. Even better news is that I am buying a consulting franchise. The downside is that I always said I never wanted to worked for myself. And I will be working out of my home which is number 2 on the list of things I didn't want to do.

My friends and family are really great and being very supportive, even though I am scared out of my wits. I know I am my worst critic, but I am concerned that I do not have the drive to keep going every day. The worst part is I am afraid I will disappoint everyone--my family and friends who keep saying I will do great, the franchisor who is affording me this opportunity, everyone I might do business with, my creditors and of course myself.

I am basically a perfectionist who tends to not start things because I am afraid I won't do them perfectly the first time. I also have a big problem with people watching me do stuff--I feel like inside they are criticizing every move I make. It's like I don't want people to know I am human--I have a really hard time using the restroom at other people's houses or when other people are aware of what I am doing. It is no wonder I live by myself. I don't think I could survive someone else all up in my business. Which of course also makes buying a franchise difficult because the franchisor wants to know about all my business to make sure they are compensated correctly--I can't blame them, it is what I would want to do.

Anyhow, I keep looking on the web for solutions for perfectionism (which of course leads to procrastination, escapism, and a whole host of other isms) and I am unable to find anything beyond making lists and to "just get over it". I probably should see a professional, but that would involve someone getting all up in my business.

In the meantime, I am eating less and having problems sleeping so I am sure there are good things to come. At least I have lost a few pounds in the last couple of weeks as I have been going through the process of creating a corporation to fund the new business. I do feel that I can make this work, I am just concerned I won't do as well as other people expect--and I should just let that go, but I can't.