I am struggling with a lot these days.  The medications don't seem to be working as intended.  I have completely given up on trying to get anything accomplished outside of getting out of bed and eating--and I am not doing either very well.  I am so frustrated to think that my life seems so out of control and that I should be able to just get over it and I can't.  I feel like I am just using this as an excuse not to do anything--but I am not enjoying my life so it doesn't make sense.  It's not like I am off having fun, I am just either curled up in bed or curled up on the couch thinking about everything going wrong in my life.  Sometimes the TV is on with the sound turned down a little, because I don't really want to watch, but I the sound helps keep me a little calmer.  I keep wondering how does this get better.  I am not exactly feeling encourage by the psychologist right now.  He talks about exposure therapy and it sounds like dealing with the symptoms and not the cause.  I wonder if I will have the nerve or strength or whatever to ask him about that.  The 50 minute session goes by so fast and I feel like all I do is complain and there is no moving forward.

I have been doing a little searching on the internet for possible help, but who knows if you can trust any of what you read.  I always feel like it is either the same high level information repeated from site to site or they are trying to sell you the answer and there is no way to know if it is a valid program without opening yourself up to fraud.  I guess things are that way in real life as well.

The one thing about the medications is that I am not thinking that getting hit by a truck or contracting a fatal disease will solve my problems as much--although the rationale is still as valid as it was before.  I just keep wondering what the next 40 to 50 years of my life are going to look like and will I be doomed to be like this forever.  My issues definitely seem to go back a very long way and I don't see anyone trying to help me deal with the core issue.  I keep wondering if hypnosis will help.  Part of my problem is that I want to be somebody different and I don't think that will happen.