Because my psychologist is unavailable on Friday, I had a meeting with him today.  When I got there I told him it seems like my issues all boil down to fear.  Sometimes he brings up religious references--it is a Christian Psychology group that he is a part of.  Today we met at the satellite office which is actually in a church.  Anyhow, he brought up that "fear not" is a main theme throughout the bible.  He even thought Pope John Paul started his first speech with those words.  He thinks the fear is something from my very early development since I am not able to put it into words.  During our discussion he also wondered if my Mom doesn't have some issues with fear.  Since Dad was in the military, we moved around a lot when I was little, but I don't know the specifics from when I was very young.  I think my Dad was gone for most of the first year of my life and we moved closer to my Mom's family.  I really need to ask someone about that time, but I am not sure who.  I am afraid Mom will think I am blaming her for all my issues, and some of my sisters might not remember well.  The ones that would, I have some fear about talking to.  I feel like I am a disappointment because I am not more successful at this point.  I will talk to one of my other sisters just to see what she thinks first. 

Yesterday I spent the whole day at my friends up north.  With school beginning, there is a lot to do and I watched the kids while the two of them went to work.  I felt like I was avoiding everything by going up there.  I probably avoided more today since I stayed in bed late and then went to my appointment.  Following that I went to the public library to kill some time before playing Settlers of Catan and did some reading on chapter 3 of Dark Sun D&D Encounters.  I always enjoy the Encounters and I hope more people start showing up.  I wonder how next season will go.  I am also excited about the D&D Game Day this Saturday. 

We had six players for Catan and the game took forever.  Mike's son and his roommate showed up to play and they kind of made the game drag.  I didn't win which seems to be a prevalent theme these days, but I felt like I was in the running since I wasn't too far behind the winner in points.

As far as the fear goes I guess I need to learn the Litany Against Fear from Dune and see if it works for me.  The only part I remember is about fear being the mind-killer.  I really feel like it is killing my mind right now.