Merry Christmas!!
Lately it seems like I only post on Mondays. It has been a rather long week. After rushing through last week, it continued into this week as I got ready to go see my parents on the east coast. Unfortunately, before I could do that I was trying to close down the corporation I started in the spring, and ran into a last minute snag. The business valuation my CPA was doing turned out to be the wrong thing and I had to find someone else to do one. I am still trying to get it done by the end of the year, but it doesn't look good. I am still hopeful though.
The drive down was nice, I listened to Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Trader--both part of the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis on my iPod. I even started The Silver Chair, but using a FM transmitter didn't work as well as I had hoped and I kept having to change the station. I wish they was a better way to listen to them in my car.
Christmas was good, but it was also somewhat disappointing. Since I am unemployed, I didn't buy many gifts this year and feel really bad about it. On top of that there were not very many people at home this year, so it was light in that manner as well. Also, I didn't tell people what I needed or wanted--because I don't seem to know--and so I didn't get much in the way of gifts. One of my sisters did send me some Star Wars cookie cutters, sandwich cutters and a Darth Vader spatula--all from Williams Sonoma. They are very nice, but extremely impractical. I like getting some things that are impractical. Santa Claus brought me some tools and also put a set of Buckyballs in my stocking. The Buckyballs are a lot of fun--I highly recommend them--but they are definitely not for children.
I slept so good over the weekend, but now that the week has started, so has my anxiety. I have the whole closing down the corporation thing and the resume bootcamp thing that are now weighing very heavily on my mind. I regret so many things and I wish I could just let them go. That is my New Year's wish is that I will learn to let things go and not dwell on every little detail. Also, I hope to be a little more positive and upbeat. Wish me luck.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
It has definitely been a whirlwind week. With the holidays coming up, I have been running around like crazy. Last Monday I went to Sprint to take back the Samsung Galaxy Tab--the amount of money it was going to cost on a monthly basis just wasn't worth the money--and I found out I was one day over the time frame to return it. This was devastating. I ended up canceling the service and was able to reduce the penalty for early cancellation since I am a Sprint Premiere customer and have had Sprint service forever. I was on the phone a long time to make this happen, but I feel it was worth it. Unfortunately, I still have the device. I thought I had someone who wanted to buy it, but I haven't heard back in a while. I need to list it on Craig's List, but that is one of my issues I have had for a while. I have a lot of junk that I want to get rid of, but I just don't do it. Someday I will sell my PS/2, my Wii, and maybe some collectibles.
Tuesday, I spent a lot of time in bed. I was having kind of a bad day from a depression point of view. I had a lot of things I felt I needed to do for the resume class and decided not to play games that night. I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted, but we have been through that. Wednesday I went to fill out some paperwork at a temp agency so that I could get paid for some extra work I will be doing for a non-profit for whom I have been volunteering. They wanted me to give a urine sample, so I had to get that done before I went home for my resume class. I stopped at Wendy's for a bite to eat and then headed over. I could not find the location and tried to call them. Of course, there was no answer. There was another location I had been given--and it had a similar name, so I called them to see if they could give me directions to the place nearby or any additional information I might need to go to their site. Luckily they answered and got me to where I needed to go. And then I went home for the class and followed up with D&D Encounters at my Friendly Local Game Store.
Of course, afterward, I went to a friends and played a game--A Game of Thrones LCG. It is a "Living Card Game" which means they come out with new card sets every so often, but you buy the whole set at once instead of like "Collectible Card Games" where you buy packages of 11 or cards and hope to find a rare card in the mix that is worth some money. Magic:The Gathering started the whole CCG thing if I am not mistaken. Anyhow, the game was kind of interesting, but we only had two players so we didn't get to use the title figures or the board. I ended up losing because my opponent was able to play a plot card that enabled him to go through his plots faster so that on the last round I was stuck with my one remaining plot and he had just refreshed his plot deck. It was very close and had the stars aligned just right I could have won.
Thursday was spent all day practically volunteering. I did some Christmas shopping for my sister, went home, and then went to a confession service at the church--I have not been to confession in over 25 years. It went well, but I am not sure I feel forgiven--but then again my life has been on overdrive the last couple of days. Friday was my trip to the psychologist and then I went looking for a coach's jacket for my sister to give to her boyfriend. That was kind of a hopeless cause. These jackets are no longer fashionable and I am not sure coaches even wear them any more. I was unable to find one and then I was left rushing to get ready to meet some friends for dinner prior to going to the club.
A friend of mine had knee surgery Friday morning and somewhere in all this time she called and asked if I would stay with her overnight. Because of the anesthesia she was not supposed to be alone for the first 24 hours. Reluctantly, I agreed. So while getting ready, I also had to pack a bag for the night. She came to the club with other friends for the party and then I took her home after. At the party she won the 19" LED flat screen TV they were giving away and she was so excited. I didn't sleep well Friday night since it was a strange place and I was worried she would stop breathing and I wouldn't notice--it wasn't until I got to her house that she tells me the reason they want someone there is that death is one of the complications from anesthesia. I must have had a weird look on my face because she kind of laughed and started teasing me. Anyhow, she lived through the night and in the morning, she made some breakfast and we watched a little TV. As we were leaving Friday night, she had muttered something about me hooking up the TV, so Saturday I told her I wanted to see the picture and we should set up. So we did--of course, that meant moving the old TV to one of the bedrooms--where there was already a TV--and doing some shuffling of other things. All I can say is that even without high def service, the picture is really good. While I was reconnecting the TV in the bedroom, the light went out. I thought I had blown a fuse, but turns out the bulb was separating. I went to unscrew the bulb and the glass part moved but the metal base did not. I got some pliers and went to remove the metal base and she got kind of nervous and made me promise I wouldn't electrocute myself--I wondered if she understood I was thinking similar thoughts the night before. We watched some more TV and talked about some things, which was all good and I finally left with enough time to go home, clean up a little and get to some other friends' house for games--usually Settlers of Catan with most of the expansions.
I enjoy Settlers, but honestly I play it an awful lot these days. Anyway I got there a little late and they already had six players, so they had already started a game. I sat one the sidelines giving advice and quoting rules--I am very much a rules lawyer, but I try not to be too obnoxious--I evidently failed by interrupting one of the other players when he was trying to explain certain rules. Once they finished there were 8 people so we broke off into 2 groups with one group playing Settlers of Catan and the other playing Dominion. I played Dominion with two other guys--one of whom had played Dominion a couple of times and one who had never played. The games were good and I won the first game, but lost all the rest. I managed to leave at a decent time since I knew I had a busy day on Sunday.
I got home Saturday night and tried to go straight to bed, but it didn't work and I didn't get to sleep until around 2:00 PM. I had planned to go to church prior to playing games, but spent too long with my injured friend. When the alarm went off Sunday morning, I just couldn't get out of bed and I was supposed to make pierogie at my friends' up north. When I finally got up, there was a message to buy some kolache before I came to their house. I ended getting there about a half hour late. It wasn't a problem though, I still helped make some 300 pierogie before the end of the day. I enjoyed it, but it was very tiring. I stayed for dinner, but came home shortly after--which is unusual for me, but I was tired. I got home and was ready for bed at 8:00 PM. I got ready for bed and did some stuff on the computer until about 10:00 PM when my battery ran out and I was so tired I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I was asleep shortly after.
I woke up this morning around 6:00 AM and instead of getting up and embracing the day, I turned over and slept a little while longer. When I couldn't sleep anymore, I watched a little TV and kind of zoned out--again not getting up and embracing the day. I didn't get out of bed until my resume class. After that, I finally got in touch with the people to close down the corporation--and the news didn't seem that good. I am thinking I am going to have to hired a certified valuation professional. I am never going to get this done. I really want the corporation closed this year, but now I am not sure it is going to happen.
Tuesday, I spent a lot of time in bed. I was having kind of a bad day from a depression point of view. I had a lot of things I felt I needed to do for the resume class and decided not to play games that night. I didn't get nearly as much done as I wanted, but we have been through that. Wednesday I went to fill out some paperwork at a temp agency so that I could get paid for some extra work I will be doing for a non-profit for whom I have been volunteering. They wanted me to give a urine sample, so I had to get that done before I went home for my resume class. I stopped at Wendy's for a bite to eat and then headed over. I could not find the location and tried to call them. Of course, there was no answer. There was another location I had been given--and it had a similar name, so I called them to see if they could give me directions to the place nearby or any additional information I might need to go to their site. Luckily they answered and got me to where I needed to go. And then I went home for the class and followed up with D&D Encounters at my Friendly Local Game Store.
Of course, afterward, I went to a friends and played a game--A Game of Thrones LCG. It is a "Living Card Game" which means they come out with new card sets every so often, but you buy the whole set at once instead of like "Collectible Card Games" where you buy packages of 11 or cards and hope to find a rare card in the mix that is worth some money. Magic:The Gathering started the whole CCG thing if I am not mistaken. Anyhow, the game was kind of interesting, but we only had two players so we didn't get to use the title figures or the board. I ended up losing because my opponent was able to play a plot card that enabled him to go through his plots faster so that on the last round I was stuck with my one remaining plot and he had just refreshed his plot deck. It was very close and had the stars aligned just right I could have won.
Thursday was spent all day practically volunteering. I did some Christmas shopping for my sister, went home, and then went to a confession service at the church--I have not been to confession in over 25 years. It went well, but I am not sure I feel forgiven--but then again my life has been on overdrive the last couple of days. Friday was my trip to the psychologist and then I went looking for a coach's jacket for my sister to give to her boyfriend. That was kind of a hopeless cause. These jackets are no longer fashionable and I am not sure coaches even wear them any more. I was unable to find one and then I was left rushing to get ready to meet some friends for dinner prior to going to the club.
A friend of mine had knee surgery Friday morning and somewhere in all this time she called and asked if I would stay with her overnight. Because of the anesthesia she was not supposed to be alone for the first 24 hours. Reluctantly, I agreed. So while getting ready, I also had to pack a bag for the night. She came to the club with other friends for the party and then I took her home after. At the party she won the 19" LED flat screen TV they were giving away and she was so excited. I didn't sleep well Friday night since it was a strange place and I was worried she would stop breathing and I wouldn't notice--it wasn't until I got to her house that she tells me the reason they want someone there is that death is one of the complications from anesthesia. I must have had a weird look on my face because she kind of laughed and started teasing me. Anyhow, she lived through the night and in the morning, she made some breakfast and we watched a little TV. As we were leaving Friday night, she had muttered something about me hooking up the TV, so Saturday I told her I wanted to see the picture and we should set up. So we did--of course, that meant moving the old TV to one of the bedrooms--where there was already a TV--and doing some shuffling of other things. All I can say is that even without high def service, the picture is really good. While I was reconnecting the TV in the bedroom, the light went out. I thought I had blown a fuse, but turns out the bulb was separating. I went to unscrew the bulb and the glass part moved but the metal base did not. I got some pliers and went to remove the metal base and she got kind of nervous and made me promise I wouldn't electrocute myself--I wondered if she understood I was thinking similar thoughts the night before. We watched some more TV and talked about some things, which was all good and I finally left with enough time to go home, clean up a little and get to some other friends' house for games--usually Settlers of Catan with most of the expansions.
I enjoy Settlers, but honestly I play it an awful lot these days. Anyway I got there a little late and they already had six players, so they had already started a game. I sat one the sidelines giving advice and quoting rules--I am very much a rules lawyer, but I try not to be too obnoxious--I evidently failed by interrupting one of the other players when he was trying to explain certain rules. Once they finished there were 8 people so we broke off into 2 groups with one group playing Settlers of Catan and the other playing Dominion. I played Dominion with two other guys--one of whom had played Dominion a couple of times and one who had never played. The games were good and I won the first game, but lost all the rest. I managed to leave at a decent time since I knew I had a busy day on Sunday.
I got home Saturday night and tried to go straight to bed, but it didn't work and I didn't get to sleep until around 2:00 PM. I had planned to go to church prior to playing games, but spent too long with my injured friend. When the alarm went off Sunday morning, I just couldn't get out of bed and I was supposed to make pierogie at my friends' up north. When I finally got up, there was a message to buy some kolache before I came to their house. I ended getting there about a half hour late. It wasn't a problem though, I still helped make some 300 pierogie before the end of the day. I enjoyed it, but it was very tiring. I stayed for dinner, but came home shortly after--which is unusual for me, but I was tired. I got home and was ready for bed at 8:00 PM. I got ready for bed and did some stuff on the computer until about 10:00 PM when my battery ran out and I was so tired I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. I was asleep shortly after.
I woke up this morning around 6:00 AM and instead of getting up and embracing the day, I turned over and slept a little while longer. When I couldn't sleep anymore, I watched a little TV and kind of zoned out--again not getting up and embracing the day. I didn't get out of bed until my resume class. After that, I finally got in touch with the people to close down the corporation--and the news didn't seem that good. I am thinking I am going to have to hired a certified valuation professional. I am never going to get this done. I really want the corporation closed this year, but now I am not sure it is going to happen.
Monday, December 13, 2010
I always seem to complain bout not getting things done--which is my life these days. But the rest of last week was focused on a couple of key things--the most important being my friends coming over for dinner, gift exchange, and gingerbread house building. I kept planning to clean my house all week and of course I waited until the last minute. I always cut it close, but... I get ahead of myself.
On Thursday I had a long talk with the instructor of the resume writing class I am taking. She gave me a hard time, but she also knew what I was going through and was trying to help. I appreciate that she was working so hard to help me. I, of course, had tunnel vision and could only see the need to clean my house. I tried to work on the stuff she wanted me to, but I fell short of meeting the objective.
Friday was more trying to clean, and I did make some headway. I stayed in bed too long and then had my psychologist appointment. I told him I thought something was against me, but he kept pointing out how well I was dealing with the adversity in my life--namely backing into the garage door. He made some comment about the passage in the Bible regarding cutting off your hand if it offends you. I think he said it was in Mark somewhere. I tried looking it up to get more context, but I couldn't find. I probably could if I searched on the internet.
Friday night was a party at the club. I managed to clean a little in between, but it wasn't very much. There was next to no one at the club. All the other people who help behind the bar were all gone. I did the bar by myself and there was only one person helping pick up the cups afterward. They all had good reasons--birthday, Jim Brickman concert somewhere out of town, bladder surgery, preparing for a party the next night. The club wasn't that full in general and when I closed the bar to dance, it wasn't really a problem--and I had plenty of room on the floor for a quickstep.
Saturday was the big Christmas party that some friends hold every year. I started out the day grocery shopping and then frantically cleaning the house. I got a lot done, but there was still a lot to do. In the middle of this I was also making the gingerbread and baking the first half. My house smelled great. I finally had to quit to get ready for the party. I was trying to show up closer to on-time--I ended getting there about 45 minutes after it started.
When I got to the party, I was surprised how many people were already there--I normally come late as I thought all people did. There were several people I knew would be even later due to other commitments. The party was good and I got to see a good friend I hadn't seen since the spring. She has darkened her hair and it looked great. When she went blond it kind of washed out her face a little, but the new color makes her face glow. Plus I think she has lost a little weight--I probably should have asked. Women always like to be asked if they have lost weight. I keep thinking I should ask her out, but that is way far away from where I am emotionally. I just don't have the guts to do it. Plus, why would she go out with me--I'm short, fat and bald. Well, not as fat as I was, but I am still overweight. Anyhow, when I wanted to leave around 11:00 PM, I revealed that I was teaching Sunday School to explain why I needed to go. The friends who were there were surprised--everyone kept asking me how long have I being doing that. I think they were hurt that I hadn't said anything before, but they know that I don't talk religion around them. Anyhow, the party was good and the food was great. It was snowing when I finally left around 11:30--I was pleased with how the Prius handled in the blowing wind and snow. It was super cold so the snow was very dry and was blowing around causing visibility issues.
Sunday morning I got up early to put together a lesson plan. I managed to throw something together and headed off a little late. Class went well--I handed out kisses as the kids participated by reading or answering questions. I even got a few gifts from the students. We were missing almost half the class, which I am assuming was because of the snow and cold. I contemplated skipping church to finish cleaning and get ready for my friends to arrive, but I went. After church I came home and cleaned furiously and baked the second half of the gingerbread house. I was wrapping presents when my friends arrived. I had not finished vacuuming and the kitchen was a mess. My friends said only good things and I went about cooking dinner. Normally, we wait until after we eat to do the house, but we are always rushed so I suggested we do it before.
I tried a new icing recipe--a buttercream. I chose this mostly because I already had the ingredients and the royal icing we had used in the past was too runny. Well, this time the icing was too thick and the kids kept breaking the bags. Icing was everywhere. They got through the decorating while I continued making dinner--ham, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, and crescent rolls. I had apple sauce as well, but forgot about it. When we were eating I kept thinking something was missing. After dinner we opened gifts and I was kind of teary eyed for some reason during the gift part. I still don't know why. My friend's aunt came with them and she brought me a little gift--I had something for her, but did not expect anything at all. The kids really liked the scarves--the boys wrapped them around their heads to become ninjas. Everyone was appreciative of the gifts which made me feel good. They got me the game Smallworld and a gift card to Lowe's. I am not a do-it-yourselfer and they said that part of the stipulation was that I needed to let them know what they needed help with so they could come and help. I had a hard time keeping it together.
I made more icing to assemble the house and made it thinner--unfortunately too thin. It was very runny and the house wouldn't stay together. It is still partially erected on my table. I need to decide what to do to get it finished so I can take it there this weekend when I go up to make pierogies. I go up most years and help with them. They are basically my surrogate family since my family is so far away--plus I feel like I am distancing myself from my family even though I have seen them an awful lot this year as compared to years past.
I think the problem is that I feel so guilty when I am at my parents' even though I don't getting anything more done when I am at home. I still need to decide if I am going back for Christmas--I have pretty much decided I will, it is just a matter of when and for how long. It would upset my sister a lot if I don't go home, plus I am supposed to buy her present for another sister and I haven't done it yet which means I haven't mailed it yet. I am not sure how much more time I have to mail stuff. I feel like such a grinch since I am not buying hardly any gifts this year. I need to get my parents something, but I have no idea what.
I need to get to bed. Let's see if I can get a sleep pattern going where I actually sleep.
On Thursday I had a long talk with the instructor of the resume writing class I am taking. She gave me a hard time, but she also knew what I was going through and was trying to help. I appreciate that she was working so hard to help me. I, of course, had tunnel vision and could only see the need to clean my house. I tried to work on the stuff she wanted me to, but I fell short of meeting the objective.
Friday was more trying to clean, and I did make some headway. I stayed in bed too long and then had my psychologist appointment. I told him I thought something was against me, but he kept pointing out how well I was dealing with the adversity in my life--namely backing into the garage door. He made some comment about the passage in the Bible regarding cutting off your hand if it offends you. I think he said it was in Mark somewhere. I tried looking it up to get more context, but I couldn't find. I probably could if I searched on the internet.
Friday night was a party at the club. I managed to clean a little in between, but it wasn't very much. There was next to no one at the club. All the other people who help behind the bar were all gone. I did the bar by myself and there was only one person helping pick up the cups afterward. They all had good reasons--birthday, Jim Brickman concert somewhere out of town, bladder surgery, preparing for a party the next night. The club wasn't that full in general and when I closed the bar to dance, it wasn't really a problem--and I had plenty of room on the floor for a quickstep.
Saturday was the big Christmas party that some friends hold every year. I started out the day grocery shopping and then frantically cleaning the house. I got a lot done, but there was still a lot to do. In the middle of this I was also making the gingerbread and baking the first half. My house smelled great. I finally had to quit to get ready for the party. I was trying to show up closer to on-time--I ended getting there about 45 minutes after it started.
When I got to the party, I was surprised how many people were already there--I normally come late as I thought all people did. There were several people I knew would be even later due to other commitments. The party was good and I got to see a good friend I hadn't seen since the spring. She has darkened her hair and it looked great. When she went blond it kind of washed out her face a little, but the new color makes her face glow. Plus I think she has lost a little weight--I probably should have asked. Women always like to be asked if they have lost weight. I keep thinking I should ask her out, but that is way far away from where I am emotionally. I just don't have the guts to do it. Plus, why would she go out with me--I'm short, fat and bald. Well, not as fat as I was, but I am still overweight. Anyhow, when I wanted to leave around 11:00 PM, I revealed that I was teaching Sunday School to explain why I needed to go. The friends who were there were surprised--everyone kept asking me how long have I being doing that. I think they were hurt that I hadn't said anything before, but they know that I don't talk religion around them. Anyhow, the party was good and the food was great. It was snowing when I finally left around 11:30--I was pleased with how the Prius handled in the blowing wind and snow. It was super cold so the snow was very dry and was blowing around causing visibility issues.
Sunday morning I got up early to put together a lesson plan. I managed to throw something together and headed off a little late. Class went well--I handed out kisses as the kids participated by reading or answering questions. I even got a few gifts from the students. We were missing almost half the class, which I am assuming was because of the snow and cold. I contemplated skipping church to finish cleaning and get ready for my friends to arrive, but I went. After church I came home and cleaned furiously and baked the second half of the gingerbread house. I was wrapping presents when my friends arrived. I had not finished vacuuming and the kitchen was a mess. My friends said only good things and I went about cooking dinner. Normally, we wait until after we eat to do the house, but we are always rushed so I suggested we do it before.
I tried a new icing recipe--a buttercream. I chose this mostly because I already had the ingredients and the royal icing we had used in the past was too runny. Well, this time the icing was too thick and the kids kept breaking the bags. Icing was everywhere. They got through the decorating while I continued making dinner--ham, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, and crescent rolls. I had apple sauce as well, but forgot about it. When we were eating I kept thinking something was missing. After dinner we opened gifts and I was kind of teary eyed for some reason during the gift part. I still don't know why. My friend's aunt came with them and she brought me a little gift--I had something for her, but did not expect anything at all. The kids really liked the scarves--the boys wrapped them around their heads to become ninjas. Everyone was appreciative of the gifts which made me feel good. They got me the game Smallworld and a gift card to Lowe's. I am not a do-it-yourselfer and they said that part of the stipulation was that I needed to let them know what they needed help with so they could come and help. I had a hard time keeping it together.
I made more icing to assemble the house and made it thinner--unfortunately too thin. It was very runny and the house wouldn't stay together. It is still partially erected on my table. I need to decide what to do to get it finished so I can take it there this weekend when I go up to make pierogies. I go up most years and help with them. They are basically my surrogate family since my family is so far away--plus I feel like I am distancing myself from my family even though I have seen them an awful lot this year as compared to years past.
I think the problem is that I feel so guilty when I am at my parents' even though I don't getting anything more done when I am at home. I still need to decide if I am going back for Christmas--I have pretty much decided I will, it is just a matter of when and for how long. It would upset my sister a lot if I don't go home, plus I am supposed to buy her present for another sister and I haven't done it yet which means I haven't mailed it yet. I am not sure how much more time I have to mail stuff. I feel like such a grinch since I am not buying hardly any gifts this year. I need to get my parents something, but I have no idea what.
I need to get to bed. Let's see if I can get a sleep pattern going where I actually sleep.
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
I am struggling with getting things done. Yesterday I attended the Resume Writing call without having done all the necessary prep work. The woman holding the classes is being very agreeable and letting me get away with it. I had a one-on-one call with her later and requested that she give me some more specific deadlines. I had so much anxiety yesterday morning prior to the call that I was almost physically sick--I haven't really been eating well since I got back from Thanksgiving and I know part of it is that I am so far behind on everything and have no energy to do anything. I have to think that part of the low energy is the fact that I haven't been eating.
On top of everything I keep finding ways to avoid doing what I need to do, such as writing on this blog. I have friends coming over to celebrate Christmas this Sunday, some friends' holiday party on Saturday and deadlines for my resume class. I also am trying to close down my corporation before the end of the year so that I won't have to deal with it next year. I feel like I am accomplishing things, but just not enough and definitely not fast enough.
I still feel like there is some evil force working against me. This past Saturday I backed into my garage door on my way to play games at a friend's house. My sister had called me earlier in the day and I decided I would call her while I was driving. I opened the garage door and went to the mailbox and got the mail. I got in the car and tried to call my sister. I was having some difficulty, but resisted the urge to start the car, because I wanted to be safe. I finally decided I was not going to call her, hit the garage door opener and started to back out when I heard it stop. Did you catch the error--yep, the garage door was already open and I closed it when I hit the opener. I heard a loud crunch and my heart just sank. It took me at least 15 minutes to get the door open manually so that I could get the car out. I took quite a few more minutes to close the garage door. Now my car is out in the cold and I need to call someone to fix the door. I don't really want to spend the money, so it is waiting for now.
My sister did call me as I was driving and I ended talking to her for a while including several minutes outside my friend's house. Her oldest son has decided to divorce his wife--she has been in and out of mental health facilities and has been staying with her parents for the past several months going to school to finish an advanced degree. While I hate it when anyone gets divorced, I can understand why he is doing it. My sister was worried about how the kids would take it, but their mom has been out of their lives for the last couple of years while she was dealing with her issues. I think my nephew is doing the right thing and I think they will all be fine. My nephew was very hesitant to take this step because my sister divorced his father when he was young and he knows first hand what it can do to a child, but his situation is so different from his parents.
I am even having trouble concentrating on this right now, so I will bid you all adieu.
On top of everything I keep finding ways to avoid doing what I need to do, such as writing on this blog. I have friends coming over to celebrate Christmas this Sunday, some friends' holiday party on Saturday and deadlines for my resume class. I also am trying to close down my corporation before the end of the year so that I won't have to deal with it next year. I feel like I am accomplishing things, but just not enough and definitely not fast enough.
I still feel like there is some evil force working against me. This past Saturday I backed into my garage door on my way to play games at a friend's house. My sister had called me earlier in the day and I decided I would call her while I was driving. I opened the garage door and went to the mailbox and got the mail. I got in the car and tried to call my sister. I was having some difficulty, but resisted the urge to start the car, because I wanted to be safe. I finally decided I was not going to call her, hit the garage door opener and started to back out when I heard it stop. Did you catch the error--yep, the garage door was already open and I closed it when I hit the opener. I heard a loud crunch and my heart just sank. It took me at least 15 minutes to get the door open manually so that I could get the car out. I took quite a few more minutes to close the garage door. Now my car is out in the cold and I need to call someone to fix the door. I don't really want to spend the money, so it is waiting for now.
My sister did call me as I was driving and I ended talking to her for a while including several minutes outside my friend's house. Her oldest son has decided to divorce his wife--she has been in and out of mental health facilities and has been staying with her parents for the past several months going to school to finish an advanced degree. While I hate it when anyone gets divorced, I can understand why he is doing it. My sister was worried about how the kids would take it, but their mom has been out of their lives for the last couple of years while she was dealing with her issues. I think my nephew is doing the right thing and I think they will all be fine. My nephew was very hesitant to take this step because my sister divorced his father when he was young and he knows first hand what it can do to a child, but his situation is so different from his parents.
I am even having trouble concentrating on this right now, so I will bid you all adieu.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Well, it didn't go so good. I managed to not do a thing prior to the phone call for the resume class and then did nothing more after. I stayed in bed too long and then the class ran long and I had to rush to get to my psychologist appointment. After the appointment I went to the Bernina store to price out embroidery thread. I was disappointed at how expensive the variegated threads were. Part of th problem is that they had Isacord thread which is a bit more than the brand they stock for the solid colors. I am supposed to pick up some thread as a Christmas present for my older sister from another one of my sisters. I have an inventory of the thread she currently has and I gt to make the decision of what colors to get. I wanted to get variegated thread, but that will cut down on the amount of spool since one spool of variegated costs as much as almost 3 solid colors. I have a little more time to decide.
I also stopped by the mall to see how Christmas was coming along. I was surprised to see how may carts and shops were in the mall, Last year it looked pretty sparse and I wondered if the mall was in a decline, but it is hopping this year. I was trying to think what I could get some people for Christmas, but mostly just wandering. I wandered mostly through the stores with games. Go games already had some interesting games on sale, but still not enough off. Barnes&Nobles seems to have an expanded games section. Somehow it makes me a little sad.
Anyhow I got home in time to check some mail, surf the web, change and meet some friends for dinner before heading to the club. I danced a little more at the club tonight and Peter was back from the east to get his stuff ready to be moved out of his ex-wife's house. It was good to see him again. Some other friends who are having a baby stopped by the club after their office Christmas party. She was looking just about ready to deliver--but she still has three weeks. I almost put the burp cloths my sister help me make in the car just in case I ran into them, but didn't. I am not sure when I will see them next.
Once again, I need to go to sleep--bonne nuit et doux rêves.
I also stopped by the mall to see how Christmas was coming along. I was surprised to see how may carts and shops were in the mall, Last year it looked pretty sparse and I wondered if the mall was in a decline, but it is hopping this year. I was trying to think what I could get some people for Christmas, but mostly just wandering. I wandered mostly through the stores with games. Go games already had some interesting games on sale, but still not enough off. Barnes&Nobles seems to have an expanded games section. Somehow it makes me a little sad.
Anyhow I got home in time to check some mail, surf the web, change and meet some friends for dinner before heading to the club. I danced a little more at the club tonight and Peter was back from the east to get his stuff ready to be moved out of his ex-wife's house. It was good to see him again. Some other friends who are having a baby stopped by the club after their office Christmas party. She was looking just about ready to deliver--but she still has three weeks. I almost put the burp cloths my sister help me make in the car just in case I ran into them, but didn't. I am not sure when I will see them next.
Once again, I need to go to sleep--bonne nuit et doux rêves.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
So Tuesday I go to the DMV to register the Prius so I can send the license plate back to my sister and her husband. I forgot it was the end of the month and that there would be a lot of last minute registering of vehicles. I should have guessed when the web ticket site was not working correctly. To make matter worse the renewal website had been down since the 24th. I waited several hours only to find out I needed to go to another location to have the car inspected first--and it was too late to get it done. I managed to get up early Wednesday and get in line via the website. I then go the car inspected and had a bite to eat before returning to the DNV at the appointed time. I waited about 20 minutes--it was a much better experience.
I missed the call for the resume workshop on Wednesday because I fell asleep. I was concerned what the instructor would think, so I sent an email apologizing. She was concerned that I was dropping out and seemed happy I was not. I am still not caught up, but I will trudge forward nonetheless.
I did manage to go to D&D Encounters, but it wasn't as much fun. I blame two things, a. I was sitting at the far end of the table and couldn't hear very well and 2. The young people at the other end were joking around and carrying on--I felt old and out of touch. The other old people were distracted with Talking Santa and Talking Tom on their Android phones. Of course, I played along a little with the Galaxy Tab that I need to take back in the next week. I did not follow the story and definitely did not follow all the jokes at the other end of the table. I went grocery shopping afterwards instead of going to my friend's house to play board games.
Today, I went and volunteered. While I still feel that I am not doing things fast enough, I felt like I accomplished quite a bit. The main thing was figuring out why one computer was not trusted by the network. Turned out it had the same name as another computer--if I were the network I would not trust someone with the exact same name as someone else. To make matters worse, no one knew a local ID for the machine. Luckily I figured it out by looking at one of the other Windows 7 machines set up about the same time--I also made an excellent educated guess as to the password. I was able to log into the local machine, remove it from the domain, change the name and re-add it to the domain. The young lady was very happy.
I needed to work on some stuff for the resume class and some stuff to close down the corporation, but didn't--I really need to get motivated on that tomorrow. I am hoping to get to bed early and then get up rested and rarin' to go tomorrow. I let you know how that goes.
I missed the call for the resume workshop on Wednesday because I fell asleep. I was concerned what the instructor would think, so I sent an email apologizing. She was concerned that I was dropping out and seemed happy I was not. I am still not caught up, but I will trudge forward nonetheless.
I did manage to go to D&D Encounters, but it wasn't as much fun. I blame two things, a. I was sitting at the far end of the table and couldn't hear very well and 2. The young people at the other end were joking around and carrying on--I felt old and out of touch. The other old people were distracted with Talking Santa and Talking Tom on their Android phones. Of course, I played along a little with the Galaxy Tab that I need to take back in the next week. I did not follow the story and definitely did not follow all the jokes at the other end of the table. I went grocery shopping afterwards instead of going to my friend's house to play board games.
Today, I went and volunteered. While I still feel that I am not doing things fast enough, I felt like I accomplished quite a bit. The main thing was figuring out why one computer was not trusted by the network. Turned out it had the same name as another computer--if I were the network I would not trust someone with the exact same name as someone else. To make matters worse, no one knew a local ID for the machine. Luckily I figured it out by looking at one of the other Windows 7 machines set up about the same time--I also made an excellent educated guess as to the password. I was able to log into the local machine, remove it from the domain, change the name and re-add it to the domain. The young lady was very happy.
I needed to work on some stuff for the resume class and some stuff to close down the corporation, but didn't--I really need to get motivated on that tomorrow. I am hoping to get to bed early and then get up rested and rarin' to go tomorrow. I let you know how that goes.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thanksgiving was good and I had a pretty good time. I did some embroidery, got to fly my kite, and spent some time with family. My niece and her daughter were there. My great niece is very cute and my niece is very protective--all first babies are so fragile. I guess I have been around so many children that I know there are not as fragile as they look, but I am still amazed at how other people act around children.
I went back to my sister's house on Saturday where I worked to finish up the shopping bags and some burp cloths for a friend who is due around Christmas. Another thing my sister has been making for my baby sister who had a little girl a few months ago are burp cloths from diapers. She sews a strip of cloth on one end and then embroiders a little saying above the strip. At first she just sewed the strip on and then she saw some burp cloths in the Christian book store with Bible verses on them. My baby sister's husband is a chaplain in the military, so she thought it would be cute to put Bible verses on hers. Anyhow, I did not put Bible verses on the ones I embroidered, but I did put little sayings. I tried to match the fabric--on one with stars and moons on the fabric, I embroidered "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on it. I also did one with the initial of their last name on it. I can't wait to give them to them and see what they say.
I didn't get them all done, because my sister was having problems with her toilet. We plunged for hours and couldn't get it clear. She even got a spring snake from my parents and we tried that for a while. In the end we left it for the morning. After church my Dad and brother came over and tried snaking out the vent since a plumber friend had suggested that. He managed to get a small wad of hair out, but the toilet still wasn't clear--in the end he pulled the toilet up and looked inside. There was actually a squirrel in the s bend. It was pretty disgusting. It was also very surprising. We pondered for a while how the squirrel got in there. Our best guess is that he somehow fell down the vent and tried to get out through the toilet. Of course, as much as we plunged, we could have sucked him up a little into the s bend, but we will never know. They are still talking about it back home.
Sunday I rode with my brother to meet my brother in law who I was buying a car from--I have a lot of sisters and therefore a lot of brothers in law. My sister and her husband were selling me their car at a really good price since I had totalled my car on Halloween. They said they were planning to trade it in on a new car when the end of the year sales started and would rather sell it to me to help me out than to trade it in. They were just being nice to me. I have never gotten much from my family in the past--not because my family wouldn't offer, but because I am not good at accepting. I have always felt like I needed to do everything myself--I think I have said that before. I am having some time dealing with accepting everyone helping me. Mom keeps giving me Wal-Mart gift cards telling me there is $50.00 on them and then I find out there is more--a lot more.
Anyhow, I bought the car--a Toyota Prius. I have wanted one for a while, but didn't want to pay the money for it. While I would have liked ot get a new one with all the bells and whistles, I am very excited about having this one. I drove it home and got decent mileage at first, but it declined as the hours passed. I think a part of it is that I was buying gas at Wal-Mart (see gift card discussion above) and they use ethanol which is not as good for the Prius. We'll see how things continue, because I would prefer to continue to get gas at Wal-Mart or Sam's using the gift cards.
I will continue the saga of the car tomorrow which will include my happy fun times at the DMV.
I went back to my sister's house on Saturday where I worked to finish up the shopping bags and some burp cloths for a friend who is due around Christmas. Another thing my sister has been making for my baby sister who had a little girl a few months ago are burp cloths from diapers. She sews a strip of cloth on one end and then embroiders a little saying above the strip. At first she just sewed the strip on and then she saw some burp cloths in the Christian book store with Bible verses on them. My baby sister's husband is a chaplain in the military, so she thought it would be cute to put Bible verses on hers. Anyhow, I did not put Bible verses on the ones I embroidered, but I did put little sayings. I tried to match the fabric--on one with stars and moons on the fabric, I embroidered "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" on it. I also did one with the initial of their last name on it. I can't wait to give them to them and see what they say.
I didn't get them all done, because my sister was having problems with her toilet. We plunged for hours and couldn't get it clear. She even got a spring snake from my parents and we tried that for a while. In the end we left it for the morning. After church my Dad and brother came over and tried snaking out the vent since a plumber friend had suggested that. He managed to get a small wad of hair out, but the toilet still wasn't clear--in the end he pulled the toilet up and looked inside. There was actually a squirrel in the s bend. It was pretty disgusting. It was also very surprising. We pondered for a while how the squirrel got in there. Our best guess is that he somehow fell down the vent and tried to get out through the toilet. Of course, as much as we plunged, we could have sucked him up a little into the s bend, but we will never know. They are still talking about it back home.
Sunday I rode with my brother to meet my brother in law who I was buying a car from--I have a lot of sisters and therefore a lot of brothers in law. My sister and her husband were selling me their car at a really good price since I had totalled my car on Halloween. They said they were planning to trade it in on a new car when the end of the year sales started and would rather sell it to me to help me out than to trade it in. They were just being nice to me. I have never gotten much from my family in the past--not because my family wouldn't offer, but because I am not good at accepting. I have always felt like I needed to do everything myself--I think I have said that before. I am having some time dealing with accepting everyone helping me. Mom keeps giving me Wal-Mart gift cards telling me there is $50.00 on them and then I find out there is more--a lot more.
Anyhow, I bought the car--a Toyota Prius. I have wanted one for a while, but didn't want to pay the money for it. While I would have liked ot get a new one with all the bells and whistles, I am very excited about having this one. I drove it home and got decent mileage at first, but it declined as the hours passed. I think a part of it is that I was buying gas at Wal-Mart (see gift card discussion above) and they use ethanol which is not as good for the Prius. We'll see how things continue, because I would prefer to continue to get gas at Wal-Mart or Sam's using the gift cards.
I will continue the saga of the car tomorrow which will include my happy fun times at the DMV.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
I have been somewhat depressed with a lot of my family here. I keep dreading them asking me questions about how my job search is going and if they can have a resume. I don't know why I feel them knowing more would ruin their image of me. I think it is actually doing the exact opposite. They all think I am lazy and don't want a job, which is somewhat true. Of course lazy is a subjective term and really is a person judgment of someone else.
I did go to the kite store (Klig's Kites) to get the standoff I lost. They were great and actually replaced both standoffs with ones that attach with a screw so that I won't lose them. I got my first stunt kite from Klig's almost 30 years ago and going back and getting such great service made me feel good. My local kite store closed many years ago so I was very happy to get it fixed. I even got to go out and fly it for over an hour on the beach. It is a dual line stunt kite and I did a better job with it than I have ever done before. The wind was somewhat light, but steady once I got above the condos. I only crashed once in the beginning and it was a very gentle crash. I had a really good time and am sorry that I haven't flown any of my kites in a while. I really missed my Revolution II quad line that I bought about 20 years ago in Lubbock, Texas. I flew a lot in Lubbock since there was a lot of wind, but it was always a pretty strong wind which taught me a lot of bad habits. The gentle wind was so nice, like butta.
My sister made dinner last night in her condo. It was really good. She made a couple of types of pasta--and I really like pasta. One of them had broccoli in it and I really like broccoli as an adult. I hated it as a kid, but I guess tastes change. She also made a cream tomato sauce by taking a jar of spaghetti sauce and adding some cream to it. I need figure out exactly how she did it because it was really good.
Most of the time I have been embroidering on scarves and reusable shopping bags. I decided to create scarves for some friends and their kids for Christmas. I am not sure if I have mentioned how cool the sewing machine is, but it is super sweet. Her machine is like 10 years old, but it still does a great job. The scarves came out good and I added a few embellishments to the kids scarves. The new thing for this year was the shopping bags. My sister had bought some 99 cent shopping bags from T J Maxx and embroidered an initial on them for Mom, mys sisters and my nieces who were there. They look really cool, so we picked up a few more bags at Bed, Bath and Beyond to do for some of my friends. My sister is now in love with the Curlz MT font. It is a cool font and I used it on my bags and some of the scarves.
I should be working on my resume stuff. I missed the class on Monday because of the connection at the resort. It kept going up and down and I couldn't get dialed out. I am over my cell phone minutes by over an hour and I can't really afford the overage so I didn't dial in using it. I am disappointed, but also relieved since I am behind on all the work I need to do. Hopefully, I will get it done when I get back home, but that doesn't seem to be how I work.
I did go to the kite store (Klig's Kites) to get the standoff I lost. They were great and actually replaced both standoffs with ones that attach with a screw so that I won't lose them. I got my first stunt kite from Klig's almost 30 years ago and going back and getting such great service made me feel good. My local kite store closed many years ago so I was very happy to get it fixed. I even got to go out and fly it for over an hour on the beach. It is a dual line stunt kite and I did a better job with it than I have ever done before. The wind was somewhat light, but steady once I got above the condos. I only crashed once in the beginning and it was a very gentle crash. I had a really good time and am sorry that I haven't flown any of my kites in a while. I really missed my Revolution II quad line that I bought about 20 years ago in Lubbock, Texas. I flew a lot in Lubbock since there was a lot of wind, but it was always a pretty strong wind which taught me a lot of bad habits. The gentle wind was so nice, like butta.
My sister made dinner last night in her condo. It was really good. She made a couple of types of pasta--and I really like pasta. One of them had broccoli in it and I really like broccoli as an adult. I hated it as a kid, but I guess tastes change. She also made a cream tomato sauce by taking a jar of spaghetti sauce and adding some cream to it. I need figure out exactly how she did it because it was really good.
Most of the time I have been embroidering on scarves and reusable shopping bags. I decided to create scarves for some friends and their kids for Christmas. I am not sure if I have mentioned how cool the sewing machine is, but it is super sweet. Her machine is like 10 years old, but it still does a great job. The scarves came out good and I added a few embellishments to the kids scarves. The new thing for this year was the shopping bags. My sister had bought some 99 cent shopping bags from T J Maxx and embroidered an initial on them for Mom, mys sisters and my nieces who were there. They look really cool, so we picked up a few more bags at Bed, Bath and Beyond to do for some of my friends. My sister is now in love with the Curlz MT font. It is a cool font and I used it on my bags and some of the scarves.
I should be working on my resume stuff. I missed the class on Monday because of the connection at the resort. It kept going up and down and I couldn't get dialed out. I am over my cell phone minutes by over an hour and I can't really afford the overage so I didn't dial in using it. I am disappointed, but also relieved since I am behind on all the work I need to do. Hopefully, I will get it done when I get back home, but that doesn't seem to be how I work.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
I am flying to the east coast to see my family for Thanksgiving and trying out the gogoinflight on the way.It works OK with the Samsung Tab, but it didn't work very well with my computer. I am not sure if it is just the large quantity of data that is being pushed from the computer, but I could not get any web sites to work other than gogoinflight.it is a nice concept, but I don't think it is ready for prime time. I was able to update facebook and twitter from the Tab, so I got over some of my frustration.
I really need to be working on my homework for the resume class I am taking. I planned to spend 10 to 15 hours working on it, but have yet to spend a single hour. The good news is that I finally got the financial information together and sent it to my accountant. I also sent an email to the people who set up the corporation to say I wanted to close it down. Hopefully I will hear something this week and maybe get some idea how long this process will take. I really have to thank my psychologist for making me finish that up. He made me promise that I would call him on Saturday at 2:00 pm to say whether I had completed the task or not. I didn't call him until later that night because I got carried away with other things I was doing and since I didn't finish until 4.
That was all I got done on the plane. While it was kind of cool to access the web on the plane, it wasn't as functional as I had hoped for. I spent way too much time trying to get connected and not enough being connected.
I really need to be working on my homework for the resume class I am taking. I planned to spend 10 to 15 hours working on it, but have yet to spend a single hour. The good news is that I finally got the financial information together and sent it to my accountant. I also sent an email to the people who set up the corporation to say I wanted to close it down. Hopefully I will hear something this week and maybe get some idea how long this process will take. I really have to thank my psychologist for making me finish that up. He made me promise that I would call him on Saturday at 2:00 pm to say whether I had completed the task or not. I didn't call him until later that night because I got carried away with other things I was doing and since I didn't finish until 4.
That was all I got done on the plane. While it was kind of cool to access the web on the plane, it wasn't as functional as I had hoped for. I spent way too much time trying to get connected and not enough being connected.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
I am sitting in the library trying to work on my resume for this course/seminar I signed up for. There are only three of us that signed up and I feel like more of a failure compared to the other two guys. They are both much more energetic and have way cooler experience than me. I was really hoping that I could find a kindred spirit in the class, but alas, I do not believe that will happen. I am feeling more depressed and to top it all off, the library moved some shelves and stuff around and now I cannot get power at the tables. I am having to sit in a comfy chair by a window. I am about to fall asleep.
I have been having really weird thoughts lately. I have started feeling like there is an external force working against me. I saw a show the other morning about Satan and the end of times and I feel myself kind of wanting the end of times to come. One of the weird things I have be feeling is a need to connect back tot the church. I have been going to mass pretty regularly on the weekends and I even starting teaching Sunday School. I keep thinking I want to go to Confession, but I haven't worked up the courage yet. On the flip side I have feelings of wanting to die and I often feel like I am restricted from doing things. It is like there is someone whispering all the bad things to me keeping me depressed and keeping my fear level high. It is probably just me trying to blame anyone or anything else for all my failings. I constantly distract myself from long periods of contemplation so that I the bad thoughts don't take hold, but that is also keeping the good thoughts from taking hold. According to some religious texts Satan is trying to take over by convincing people to do bad things--I feel like through inaction, he is accomplishing the same thing. If you are not actively fighting against evil and for a good and happy life, then you accepting it. I am still not sure I believe that, but it seems consistent with church dogma. We must believe in evil if we are to know what good is. It seems that only through comparison can you truly understand good.
I try to be a good person and most of my friends would say I am basically good. I do seem to tell untruths more often than I should and my very character is based on false demeanor. I appear calm and confident even through I am nowhere close. I keep telling everyone I am fine when I have this huge struggle inside me to move forward. I am often depressed and down--and the shorter days only make it worse. I am lying to the world, but it is just a small lie--it is not like I am telling everyone I am someone else, just that I am better than I am.
I really dread confession. I haven't been in 25-30 years. The last time I went I promised the priest I would go back in a certain amount of time which I have forgotten how long it was, but suffice it to say that I am long overdue on that promise. I want to go, because I think it would be cleansing, but like most things in my life I just don't do it. This is my daily struggle--doing things I want to do. Some would say I don't want to do them bad enough--and maybe they are right, but it doesn't feel that way to me. I feel like something is holding me back and maybe it is Satan--I just don't know. I have a lot of friends that would laugh at me merely suggesting such a thing.
I need to head home as I have things to do tonight. I had said I would try to work 10-15 hours on my resume and I just don't see that happening by Monday. Great.
I have been having really weird thoughts lately. I have started feeling like there is an external force working against me. I saw a show the other morning about Satan and the end of times and I feel myself kind of wanting the end of times to come. One of the weird things I have be feeling is a need to connect back tot the church. I have been going to mass pretty regularly on the weekends and I even starting teaching Sunday School. I keep thinking I want to go to Confession, but I haven't worked up the courage yet. On the flip side I have feelings of wanting to die and I often feel like I am restricted from doing things. It is like there is someone whispering all the bad things to me keeping me depressed and keeping my fear level high. It is probably just me trying to blame anyone or anything else for all my failings. I constantly distract myself from long periods of contemplation so that I the bad thoughts don't take hold, but that is also keeping the good thoughts from taking hold. According to some religious texts Satan is trying to take over by convincing people to do bad things--I feel like through inaction, he is accomplishing the same thing. If you are not actively fighting against evil and for a good and happy life, then you accepting it. I am still not sure I believe that, but it seems consistent with church dogma. We must believe in evil if we are to know what good is. It seems that only through comparison can you truly understand good.
I try to be a good person and most of my friends would say I am basically good. I do seem to tell untruths more often than I should and my very character is based on false demeanor. I appear calm and confident even through I am nowhere close. I keep telling everyone I am fine when I have this huge struggle inside me to move forward. I am often depressed and down--and the shorter days only make it worse. I am lying to the world, but it is just a small lie--it is not like I am telling everyone I am someone else, just that I am better than I am.
I really dread confession. I haven't been in 25-30 years. The last time I went I promised the priest I would go back in a certain amount of time which I have forgotten how long it was, but suffice it to say that I am long overdue on that promise. I want to go, because I think it would be cleansing, but like most things in my life I just don't do it. This is my daily struggle--doing things I want to do. Some would say I don't want to do them bad enough--and maybe they are right, but it doesn't feel that way to me. I feel like something is holding me back and maybe it is Satan--I just don't know. I have a lot of friends that would laugh at me merely suggesting such a thing.
I need to head home as I have things to do tonight. I had said I would try to work 10-15 hours on my resume and I just don't see that happening by Monday. Great.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I keep thinking I will update this blog more frequently, but I have the same problem with this as I have with everything else--I jut don't do it. I am so the opposite of Nike. I keep wanting to be different, but wanting doesn't make it so. I am afraid my COBRA is about up and I may have to stop my sessions with my psychologist. I probably should have seen a psychiatrist maybe it would have been a better experience--then again it may have all turned out exactly the same.
I signed up for a seminar to help me get a job and it is going to be a lot of work. I am already procrastinating and I hope I can get more motivated quickly. I am hoping that this will give me some accountability and get me going even if it is reluctantly.
My car was totaled from the accident I had a couple of weeks ago. I am pleased with the amount my insurance company is giving me, but now I have to get a new car. I haven't really looked for one and I need to get one soon. My brother-in-law is trying to sell me his 2005 Prius. I think it is in pretty good shape, but it has 135,000 miles on it and that concerns me a bit. I would like to have a Prius as they get excellent gas mileage. He says he will give me a good price, but I don't want them to feel like they did me a favor and now I owe them. They lent one of my other sisters some money once and she felt like they held it over her for a while. If I don't buy the Prius, then I need to get a car. I am flying to the east coast on Sunday and I either need to have bought a car or decided to buy the Prius so that I can drive it back. I am not excited about taking the time to drive back.
I did something completely bad. I pre-ordered the Galaxy Tab from Sprint on Thursday. I was shocked when it arrived on Friday. It was free shipping and they must have overnighted it. It is a cool little piece of hardware, but it doesn't seem to be helping me be productive. I finally have a device that I can play Angry Birds on--and I have been playing too much. One of the sites I frequent--Tanga--is starting a survey and offers type page and invited Super Tanga Users to try it out. One of the offers I signed up for was Mint.com. After I signed up, I found an Android app to interface with Mint.com. I had been ignoring my bank accounts, because they were running low and I would have a panic attack when I thought about it. My heart was racing so fast when the data loaded and I saw how little money I really have, so I guess it has been good for that. I was excited that the Galaxy Tab supported flash, but most of my favorite websites do not work still--netflix streaming, the Dungeons and Dragons Compendium, Hulu.com, asobrain.com, and the USA Today crossword puzzle to name a few. Evidently, the browser does not support Java. My biggest complaint is that is can't make a phone call. I can use Skype, but ony without video. I tried Google Talk, but it will only allow text conversations. It is also very expensive--approximatey $400 for the unit and approximately $30 a month for data services. I wish there was a WiFi only version, but that is not due until late next year. For $200.00 more I could have bought the thing outright from Sprint and canceled the required data plan. Anyhow, the interface is great, I love the size, and the existing Android apps seem to work well. If I had a job I would probably not be taking back in a couple of weeks.
This weekend I went bowling with some friends to celebrate Dawn's 40th birthday. I bowl maybe once a year or so. My highest score was a 135 and that was really good for me. I even had several strikes in that game.
Sunday school was nerve wracking. I still haven't got the hang of it. It went pretty well, but I am not sure what the kids are getting from it. Hopefully, they are getting something out of it--I feel like I am. After teaching the Rosary a while back, I was saying the Rosary practically every night. This week I stopped--I am not sure whether if there was any effect on me. I did feel a little guilty every night before bed. I went ahead and said a Rosary tonight before writing this entry.
Hopefully, I will be able to sleep tonight after realizing how little money I have and how much I have procrastinated on the resume application I am supposed to finish for Wednesday. I haven't taken a sleeping pill for at least a week and I hope to keep that up--I have been taking anxiety pills on occasion.
I signed up for a seminar to help me get a job and it is going to be a lot of work. I am already procrastinating and I hope I can get more motivated quickly. I am hoping that this will give me some accountability and get me going even if it is reluctantly.
My car was totaled from the accident I had a couple of weeks ago. I am pleased with the amount my insurance company is giving me, but now I have to get a new car. I haven't really looked for one and I need to get one soon. My brother-in-law is trying to sell me his 2005 Prius. I think it is in pretty good shape, but it has 135,000 miles on it and that concerns me a bit. I would like to have a Prius as they get excellent gas mileage. He says he will give me a good price, but I don't want them to feel like they did me a favor and now I owe them. They lent one of my other sisters some money once and she felt like they held it over her for a while. If I don't buy the Prius, then I need to get a car. I am flying to the east coast on Sunday and I either need to have bought a car or decided to buy the Prius so that I can drive it back. I am not excited about taking the time to drive back.
I did something completely bad. I pre-ordered the Galaxy Tab from Sprint on Thursday. I was shocked when it arrived on Friday. It was free shipping and they must have overnighted it. It is a cool little piece of hardware, but it doesn't seem to be helping me be productive. I finally have a device that I can play Angry Birds on--and I have been playing too much. One of the sites I frequent--Tanga--is starting a survey and offers type page and invited Super Tanga Users to try it out. One of the offers I signed up for was Mint.com. After I signed up, I found an Android app to interface with Mint.com. I had been ignoring my bank accounts, because they were running low and I would have a panic attack when I thought about it. My heart was racing so fast when the data loaded and I saw how little money I really have, so I guess it has been good for that. I was excited that the Galaxy Tab supported flash, but most of my favorite websites do not work still--netflix streaming, the Dungeons and Dragons Compendium, Hulu.com, asobrain.com, and the USA Today crossword puzzle to name a few. Evidently, the browser does not support Java. My biggest complaint is that is can't make a phone call. I can use Skype, but ony without video. I tried Google Talk, but it will only allow text conversations. It is also very expensive--approximatey $400 for the unit and approximately $30 a month for data services. I wish there was a WiFi only version, but that is not due until late next year. For $200.00 more I could have bought the thing outright from Sprint and canceled the required data plan. Anyhow, the interface is great, I love the size, and the existing Android apps seem to work well. If I had a job I would probably not be taking back in a couple of weeks.
This weekend I went bowling with some friends to celebrate Dawn's 40th birthday. I bowl maybe once a year or so. My highest score was a 135 and that was really good for me. I even had several strikes in that game.
Sunday school was nerve wracking. I still haven't got the hang of it. It went pretty well, but I am not sure what the kids are getting from it. Hopefully, they are getting something out of it--I feel like I am. After teaching the Rosary a while back, I was saying the Rosary practically every night. This week I stopped--I am not sure whether if there was any effect on me. I did feel a little guilty every night before bed. I went ahead and said a Rosary tonight before writing this entry.
Hopefully, I will be able to sleep tonight after realizing how little money I have and how much I have procrastinated on the resume application I am supposed to finish for Wednesday. I haven't taken a sleeping pill for at least a week and I hope to keep that up--I have been taking anxiety pills on occasion.
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Once more unto the breach,dear friends, once more...
I continue to update this blog and I wonder if it is being therapeutic at all. I am struggling in life and can't seem to let people help me. I feel weepy at weird times, I can't focus enough to watch a TV show all the way through, and reading seems completely out of the picture. I even have trouble typing a blog entry. One reason I force myself to type an entry every now and again it the lazy hope that people will click on the ads and I will make some money. So far I'm up to about $8.00--in another year or so I might be able to fill up my tank if gas prices don't rise too much.
I went to a resume worskshop on Thursday and even though I didn't get the result I was looking for, I did feel better about myself. I need to go through the information given and finish a resume. I went ahead and signed up for a more in depth 6 week bootcamp. It is well worth the money if I get a job with a decent salary and one that I like. I am working on zeroing on what I want to do--that is one of things I need to work out quickly.
As far as the car goes, I talked to the shop where it was taken on Tuesday. They let me know they were giving an initial estimate of over 10 thousand dollars--that means it will most likely be totaled. I am not excited about that. I don't want to have to buy another car. I will have to get a used car and it will not be as nice as my old one. I borrowed a friend's car for most of the week, but finally rented a car on Friday. I felt like I spent a lot of time going to my friend's house and back even though it was just the one night after the weekend.
I went to the graduation celebration and the open house at the club. It was disappointing in that there weren't that many people graduating or there to watch. Also, it seemed more disorganized than normal. Also, the staff is changing and I just don't feel as much as part of it like I used to. I believe this is contributing to my depression. I wish I had money for some lessons.
I spent the rest of the weekend at a friend's playing games. OK, I only played one game--Arkham Horror with the Dunwich Horror expansion from Fantasy Flight Games. It is a cooperative game where you try to close and seal gates to the Otherworlds before the Old One awakens and devours everyone. One game took us somewhere between 6 and 7 hours. I enjoyed the game, but since it took so long some people kind of faded after a while. Today I watched them play Thief of Baghdad from Z-Man Games. They had been playing for over an hour when I arrived. I think it took 4 or 5 hours for someone to win. Even though I watched for several hours, I still don't exactly know how to play the game. It looked very interesting and hopefully I will have an opportunity to play it again someday.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!
Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
I continue to update this blog and I wonder if it is being therapeutic at all. I am struggling in life and can't seem to let people help me. I feel weepy at weird times, I can't focus enough to watch a TV show all the way through, and reading seems completely out of the picture. I even have trouble typing a blog entry. One reason I force myself to type an entry every now and again it the lazy hope that people will click on the ads and I will make some money. So far I'm up to about $8.00--in another year or so I might be able to fill up my tank if gas prices don't rise too much.
I went to a resume worskshop on Thursday and even though I didn't get the result I was looking for, I did feel better about myself. I need to go through the information given and finish a resume. I went ahead and signed up for a more in depth 6 week bootcamp. It is well worth the money if I get a job with a decent salary and one that I like. I am working on zeroing on what I want to do--that is one of things I need to work out quickly.
As far as the car goes, I talked to the shop where it was taken on Tuesday. They let me know they were giving an initial estimate of over 10 thousand dollars--that means it will most likely be totaled. I am not excited about that. I don't want to have to buy another car. I will have to get a used car and it will not be as nice as my old one. I borrowed a friend's car for most of the week, but finally rented a car on Friday. I felt like I spent a lot of time going to my friend's house and back even though it was just the one night after the weekend.
I went to the graduation celebration and the open house at the club. It was disappointing in that there weren't that many people graduating or there to watch. Also, it seemed more disorganized than normal. Also, the staff is changing and I just don't feel as much as part of it like I used to. I believe this is contributing to my depression. I wish I had money for some lessons.
I spent the rest of the weekend at a friend's playing games. OK, I only played one game--Arkham Horror with the Dunwich Horror expansion from Fantasy Flight Games. It is a cooperative game where you try to close and seal gates to the Otherworlds before the Old One awakens and devours everyone. One game took us somewhere between 6 and 7 hours. I enjoyed the game, but since it took so long some people kind of faded after a while. Today I watched them play Thief of Baghdad from Z-Man Games. They had been playing for over an hour when I arrived. I think it took 4 or 5 hours for someone to win. Even though I watched for several hours, I still don't exactly know how to play the game. It looked very interesting and hopefully I will have an opportunity to play it again someday.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!
Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
Last week went slowly and I continued to get absolutely nothing done. I went to the library several times to try and concentrate, but it didn't work. A friend of mine had given me a copy of game that was similar to Dominion
for the computer. It has a campaign mode that dives you alternate goals to obtain certain cards before the AI ends the game and other things like that. It hasn't been easy and I spent too much time trying to get through a couple of the goals in the campaign. It definitely makes it a different experience. I am still playing a lot of Explorers which is similar to The Settlers of Catan
and Toulouse which is similar to Carcassonne
. I bought a computer game version of Puerto Rico
a couple of years ago and have been playing that the last year. I am definitely playing too many games on the computer. I still have been playing D&D Enounters which is real life gaming. After the last session I went to a friend's house where we played Runebound: 2nd Edition
. I haven't played Settler's of Catan with my other friends since before I went home for my reunion. On Thursday, I met a friend at Panera Breaad and we played Seismic. It was a pretty good game--a simple tile placing game similar to La Strada
. It made for good two player game.
Since yesterday was Halloween, the Friday party at the club was Halloween themed. There was a little show in the middle of the party so they started the party early. Friday night seemed to drag on. I am feeling more and more out of touch with the people at the club.
On Saturday I was driving up to see a friend in an archery competition when I ran into another car--tearing up my right front fender and passenger door. I wasn't cited in the accident, but evidently the insurance companies are putting me at fault right now. There was evidently some debris in the road that th other car slowed down for. All I saw was all the cars in front of me move either to the right or left and this car was sitting in the middle of the road. I tried to go around but there was a truck next to me and I clipped the car because I wasn't able move all the way left. I don't have the rental car option so I am borrowing a friend's car. I am not sure how long I will be able to keep his car. I think I might rent a really cheap car if he needs his car back. My friend took first place in the competition for her category--just don't tell anyone she was the only one in her category. SHe did well even though there was no competition.
Saturday night I went to a Pumpkin Carving party. There weren't as many people as the previous years. This year I carved a pumpkin--the last few years I hadn't done a pumpkin but after the accident, I really felt like carving. I found a pumpkin with a green side and I carved a Cthulhu image from Cthulhu Dice
. I used an older version of Dremel 7000-PK 6-Volt Pumpkin Carving Kit
that I bought a few years ago and never used. I had fun and everyone was envious of my power tool.
Last night I went and saw the movie Red. I liked the movie. I expected more humor and a little less action, but it all worked. The are some really good older actors and I think I prefer the actors from that generation. There wasn't a lot of gratutios foul language or anything. The story was good and it was just done well. I would definitely recommend to anyone who wants action with some comedy.
Sunday morning I taught Sunday school by myself. Even the aide was missing. Her husband who evidently works with the second grade came in to help. I thought it was kind f disastrous, but I doubt anyone else felt that way. I went though the material I had prepared fairly quickly. I probably should have gone a little slower and not abbreviated some of what I had planned, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for third grade. Even though we were scheduled to do the Rosary a month ago, some of the parents received an email for their kids to bring a Rosary to class. We spent the last twenty minutes saying three decades of the Rosary. I felt kind of bad for the kids, but several of them wanted to do it since they brought the Rosary in.
Today I went and got some things out of my car. The damag looked worse today than I remembered it. It was also overcast and gloomy, so I am trying to console myself by saying it was the lighting. Tomorrow I volunteer so I am headed to sleep, perchance to dream.
for the computer. It has a campaign mode that dives you alternate goals to obtain certain cards before the AI ends the game and other things like that. It hasn't been easy and I spent too much time trying to get through a couple of the goals in the campaign. It definitely makes it a different experience. I am still playing a lot of Explorers which is similar to The Settlers of Catan and Toulouse which is similar to Carcassonne. I bought a computer game version of Puerto Rico a couple of years ago and have been playing that the last year. I am definitely playing too many games on the computer. I still have been playing D&D Enounters which is real life gaming. After the last session I went to a friend's house where we played Runebound: 2nd Edition. I haven't played Settler's of Catan with my other friends since before I went home for my reunion. On Thursday, I met a friend at Panera Breaad and we played Seismic. It was a pretty good game--a simple tile placing game similar to La Strada. It made for good two player game.Since yesterday was Halloween, the Friday party at the club was Halloween themed. There was a little show in the middle of the party so they started the party early. Friday night seemed to drag on. I am feeling more and more out of touch with the people at the club.
On Saturday I was driving up to see a friend in an archery competition when I ran into another car--tearing up my right front fender and passenger door. I wasn't cited in the accident, but evidently the insurance companies are putting me at fault right now. There was evidently some debris in the road that th other car slowed down for. All I saw was all the cars in front of me move either to the right or left and this car was sitting in the middle of the road. I tried to go around but there was a truck next to me and I clipped the car because I wasn't able move all the way left. I don't have the rental car option so I am borrowing a friend's car. I am not sure how long I will be able to keep his car. I think I might rent a really cheap car if he needs his car back. My friend took first place in the competition for her category--just don't tell anyone she was the only one in her category. SHe did well even though there was no competition.
Saturday night I went to a Pumpkin Carving party. There weren't as many people as the previous years. This year I carved a pumpkin--the last few years I hadn't done a pumpkin but after the accident, I really felt like carving. I found a pumpkin with a green side and I carved a Cthulhu image from Cthulhu Dice
. I used an older version of Dremel 7000-PK 6-Volt Pumpkin Carving Kit that I bought a few years ago and never used. I had fun and everyone was envious of my power tool.Last night I went and saw the movie Red. I liked the movie. I expected more humor and a little less action, but it all worked. The are some really good older actors and I think I prefer the actors from that generation. There wasn't a lot of gratutios foul language or anything. The story was good and it was just done well. I would definitely recommend to anyone who wants action with some comedy.
Sunday morning I taught Sunday school by myself. Even the aide was missing. Her husband who evidently works with the second grade came in to help. I thought it was kind f disastrous, but I doubt anyone else felt that way. I went though the material I had prepared fairly quickly. I probably should have gone a little slower and not abbreviated some of what I had planned, but I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for third grade. Even though we were scheduled to do the Rosary a month ago, some of the parents received an email for their kids to bring a Rosary to class. We spent the last twenty minutes saying three decades of the Rosary. I felt kind of bad for the kids, but several of them wanted to do it since they brought the Rosary in.
Today I went and got some things out of my car. The damag looked worse today than I remembered it. It was also overcast and gloomy, so I am trying to console myself by saying it was the lighting. Tomorrow I volunteer so I am headed to sleep, perchance to dream.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I was reading a website on depression and I was amazed at how much it resonated with me. I know I am depressed, but I thought that there might be something else. I now wonder if I haven't been depressed for a good bit of my life. One of the interesting things they talked about was how depression has risen so much since the 1940's and that it doesn't exist in certain societies such as the Amish. They attributed this to modern society being more focussed on the self. Amish view everything in a communal manner so that if one person is hurting they all help to make it better. My biggest problem is that I feel pressure to conquer this by myself. I have to do everything myself or I have to pay someone to do it. I can't accept help from others.
Anyhow, another thing they mentioned was wondering about the purpose of life and thinking about death, not necessarily suicide but just dying in general. I do think about dying a lot--either through an accident or from disease. Sometimes it is not death, sometimes it is just injury or sickness that is debilitating. I know it isn't healthy, but I am not sure what to do about it. I also have trouble focusing and the site mentioned that is a trait of depression--not being able to read or concentrate on a task.
Today I also made it out to the Bernina store to pick up some stuff for my sister. The people there are so nice and helpful. Now that I seem to be going there on a regular basis they even recognize me. I had my sister's sewing machine for several months and really didn't do anything with it. I kept thinking I would take some lessons and make some things, but like everything else I kept putting it off until I gave it back. I wish I could just get motivated. At least I am getting few things off my list--still not the important things though.
Tomorrow I signed up for a tour of the library and hopefully that will get me going on searching for a job. I almost need a partner of some kind. I wish I had it in me to ask people for help, but alas I do not.
I am hoping to get up early tomorrow, so that means going to bed somewhat early tonight. The howl of the winds outside only echoed the tempest of thought.
Anyhow, another thing they mentioned was wondering about the purpose of life and thinking about death, not necessarily suicide but just dying in general. I do think about dying a lot--either through an accident or from disease. Sometimes it is not death, sometimes it is just injury or sickness that is debilitating. I know it isn't healthy, but I am not sure what to do about it. I also have trouble focusing and the site mentioned that is a trait of depression--not being able to read or concentrate on a task.
Today I also made it out to the Bernina store to pick up some stuff for my sister. The people there are so nice and helpful. Now that I seem to be going there on a regular basis they even recognize me. I had my sister's sewing machine for several months and really didn't do anything with it. I kept thinking I would take some lessons and make some things, but like everything else I kept putting it off until I gave it back. I wish I could just get motivated. At least I am getting few things off my list--still not the important things though.
Tomorrow I signed up for a tour of the library and hopefully that will get me going on searching for a job. I almost need a partner of some kind. I wish I had it in me to ask people for help, but alas I do not.
I am hoping to get up early tomorrow, so that means going to bed somewhat early tonight. The howl of the winds outside only echoed the tempest of thought.
My week end was fuller than I thought. On Friday, I took some old records and textbooks to Half Priced Books to sell. Since the textbooks were so old and the records were mostly 80's pop, I only was offered a dollar. I figured that was better than nothing, plus they were going to donate the books to other groups that might be able to use them--I was happy as long as they didn't charge me to take them away.
Friday night I went to the club and realized how out of practice I am. My waltz was absolutely horrific--although still better than most people there. I think part of my depression is that I am out of lessons and I have no money for more. I really love to dance, but I am scared to dance with people--how weird is that. What ever I am going through seems so full of contradictions. I want to do things, but I am scared to death of doing them--or I just don't have the focus to do them. In a way I have been like this for a long time, but there are subtle differences. One of my biggest issues is that I can't read large amounts of texts--more than a paragraph and I start skipping through trying to get the gist of it.
Anyhow, Saturday I went to the FLGS for the Gamma World game day--although it wasn't as local as I would have liked. I enjoyed the experience, but it was very scary playing with people who I don't know. To make matters worse they all seemed to know each other and they were very imaginative. I felt out of place--of course I feel that way around people in general these days. The game has very simple mechanics and allows for a lot more imagination and role-playing if that is what you want. For example, there are basically 6 stats for weapons. When you choose a one handed melee weapon, you make up what the weapon actually is. One guy was part bear, part avian creature and his weapon of choice was a two handed melee weapon--a large metal pole with a sign on the end. The sign said "Don't Feed the Bears". The game lasted about 3.5 hours after the characters were created. The basic mechanic is a simplified D&D 4.0.
Later Saturday was the Saturday Social. I had thrown together a chicken broccoli rice casserole and put it in the crockpot on low. When I got back from the Gamma World game, the mixture was overcooked. I quickly threw another casserole together and cooked it in the oven. I was surprised at the number of people at the social. Most of them were new and I did not know them, but it was good to see decent attndence since a large number of the regulars were at an OU watch party--whatever that is.
Today (Sunday) I have been extremely tired and unmotivated. I almost didn't make it to church. Thank goodness there was no Sunday school today or I would have never made it. I did manage to finaly get some laundry done and to finish loading the dishwaser and starting it. I don't seem to be tired any more and I was hoping to get up early tomorrow and get my financials documented for my CPA.
I am going to put on an episode of Big Bang Theory and hope I can get to sleep.
Friday night I went to the club and realized how out of practice I am. My waltz was absolutely horrific--although still better than most people there. I think part of my depression is that I am out of lessons and I have no money for more. I really love to dance, but I am scared to dance with people--how weird is that. What ever I am going through seems so full of contradictions. I want to do things, but I am scared to death of doing them--or I just don't have the focus to do them. In a way I have been like this for a long time, but there are subtle differences. One of my biggest issues is that I can't read large amounts of texts--more than a paragraph and I start skipping through trying to get the gist of it.
Anyhow, Saturday I went to the FLGS for the Gamma World game day--although it wasn't as local as I would have liked. I enjoyed the experience, but it was very scary playing with people who I don't know. To make matters worse they all seemed to know each other and they were very imaginative. I felt out of place--of course I feel that way around people in general these days. The game has very simple mechanics and allows for a lot more imagination and role-playing if that is what you want. For example, there are basically 6 stats for weapons. When you choose a one handed melee weapon, you make up what the weapon actually is. One guy was part bear, part avian creature and his weapon of choice was a two handed melee weapon--a large metal pole with a sign on the end. The sign said "Don't Feed the Bears". The game lasted about 3.5 hours after the characters were created. The basic mechanic is a simplified D&D 4.0.
Later Saturday was the Saturday Social. I had thrown together a chicken broccoli rice casserole and put it in the crockpot on low. When I got back from the Gamma World game, the mixture was overcooked. I quickly threw another casserole together and cooked it in the oven. I was surprised at the number of people at the social. Most of them were new and I did not know them, but it was good to see decent attndence since a large number of the regulars were at an OU watch party--whatever that is.
Today (Sunday) I have been extremely tired and unmotivated. I almost didn't make it to church. Thank goodness there was no Sunday school today or I would have never made it. I did manage to finaly get some laundry done and to finish loading the dishwaser and starting it. I don't seem to be tired any more and I was hoping to get up early tomorrow and get my financials documented for my CPA.
I am going to put on an episode of Big Bang Theory and hope I can get to sleep.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wow, I feel like I have been busy although I still haven't gotten much done. I did manage to file the forms to close down the corporation, but I still need to get with my CPA and get the financials all figured out. Last week I went to my parents' house--my high school reunion was this past weekend and I decided to go. My parents, however left on Tuesday last week to visit my little sister and her new baby. They should be there about 3 weeks. This left me at their house by myself which was OK. I really enjoyed their high speed internet. Since they have 10 MB service I was able to watch some old TV episodes from Hulu.
The reunion was interesting. I was a geek in high school and really didn't have a lot of friends. I knew a lot of the people and of course you talk to them at school, but I didn't participate in the out of school activities such as field parties and the like. I enjoyed the seeing some of the people including my roommate from college, but I still managed to sit in the background most of the time. I had really wanted to be more outgoing, but it didn't happen. I skipped the football game on Friday night, but I did go to the picnic and the dinner on Saturday. I got to see a lot of my Facebook friends. When I got my Facebook account all these people I either didn't remember or didn't really associate with in high school wanted to be my friend. I was playing a lot of games on Facebook at the time and accepted--so I got to talk to see some of them and even talked to a couple. It was very interesting how people have matured--of course, I don't feel like I have matured at all.
I drove to my parents' and it is quite a long drive. I left on Friday after being at the club and stopped for the night around 3:00 AM and then started driving at 8:00 AM. I paid more than I wanted to, but at least there was a free breakfast included. Coming back home I drove all day Monday. I was a little concerned about the drive. I thought I would do a lot of thinking about things. I wasn't sure where my thoughts would go. Instead I ended up singing along with the music playing and pushing everything out of my mind. I am still not sure if that is good or bad, but in the end I arrived home safely--I was concerned that I might get overwhelmingly depressed and do something stupid.
While I was at my parents' I did some thinking about my situation. I am very frightened I am going to run out of money and I don't know what will happen. I keep hoping I win the lottery or something so that I don't have to worry about money. I am disappointed every time I don't win. I also keep hoping people will click on the advertisements on this blog, but according to Google Analytics nobody is visiting, so there is no money there. I know that I am going to have to get a job, but I don't know what I want to do. I have been doing some volunteering and I realize that I enjoy helping people, but I am scared to death about the whole job getting process. Getting a job needs to move up in priority on my list and yet here I am writing on a blog instead of updating my resume and sending it out.
The reunion was interesting. I was a geek in high school and really didn't have a lot of friends. I knew a lot of the people and of course you talk to them at school, but I didn't participate in the out of school activities such as field parties and the like. I enjoyed the seeing some of the people including my roommate from college, but I still managed to sit in the background most of the time. I had really wanted to be more outgoing, but it didn't happen. I skipped the football game on Friday night, but I did go to the picnic and the dinner on Saturday. I got to see a lot of my Facebook friends. When I got my Facebook account all these people I either didn't remember or didn't really associate with in high school wanted to be my friend. I was playing a lot of games on Facebook at the time and accepted--so I got to talk to see some of them and even talked to a couple. It was very interesting how people have matured--of course, I don't feel like I have matured at all.
I drove to my parents' and it is quite a long drive. I left on Friday after being at the club and stopped for the night around 3:00 AM and then started driving at 8:00 AM. I paid more than I wanted to, but at least there was a free breakfast included. Coming back home I drove all day Monday. I was a little concerned about the drive. I thought I would do a lot of thinking about things. I wasn't sure where my thoughts would go. Instead I ended up singing along with the music playing and pushing everything out of my mind. I am still not sure if that is good or bad, but in the end I arrived home safely--I was concerned that I might get overwhelmingly depressed and do something stupid.
While I was at my parents' I did some thinking about my situation. I am very frightened I am going to run out of money and I don't know what will happen. I keep hoping I win the lottery or something so that I don't have to worry about money. I am disappointed every time I don't win. I also keep hoping people will click on the advertisements on this blog, but according to Google Analytics nobody is visiting, so there is no money there. I know that I am going to have to get a job, but I don't know what I want to do. I have been doing some volunteering and I realize that I enjoy helping people, but I am scared to death about the whole job getting process. Getting a job needs to move up in priority on my list and yet here I am writing on a blog instead of updating my resume and sending it out.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
I had a pretty decent weekend. I went to the Renaissance Faire with a friend. Another friend was performing and she sang wonderfully. It was a great day to go to the fair since it had not rained for a while and the day was a little cool so that you weren't dripping with sweat the entire time. I actually bought a turkey leg while I was there. The joust was a little lame, but for a show it wasn't too bad.
That night I went and played Settlers of Catan with my Catan friends. We actually gt to games in--I won the first game. The second game seem to drag a little, but I had fun.
Sunday, the Rosary class went pretty well. We had some good discussion considering they were 3rd graders. When we split into groups to say the Rosary, some of the Dads struggled with it. I thought I would be leading a group, but in the end I wandered around to help the groups. It could have gone better, but it is Sunday school and expectations aren't really high. I was impressed when one of the kids told me that Mary did not die, but went straight to heaven--I wasn't sure 3rd graders would know that Mary ascended into heaven body and soul.
I continue to struggle with getting things done. I know I need to create a schedule, but I keep not doing it. Monday night I attended a resume workshop at the library--I feel like it was a small victory. This morning I went to volunteer, but the guy I work with was going out of town, so I only worked a couple of hours. I need to remember to log my time for that. I had rented Iron Man 2 from RedBox using a free code, so I watched it this afternoon instead of doing something. Catan was canceled and I thought I would use the extra time to do the things I didn't do earlier. Turns out I didn't. Anyhow it is late and I did not get anything of note done.
That night I went and played Settlers of Catan with my Catan friends. We actually gt to games in--I won the first game. The second game seem to drag a little, but I had fun.
Sunday, the Rosary class went pretty well. We had some good discussion considering they were 3rd graders. When we split into groups to say the Rosary, some of the Dads struggled with it. I thought I would be leading a group, but in the end I wandered around to help the groups. It could have gone better, but it is Sunday school and expectations aren't really high. I was impressed when one of the kids told me that Mary did not die, but went straight to heaven--I wasn't sure 3rd graders would know that Mary ascended into heaven body and soul.
I continue to struggle with getting things done. I know I need to create a schedule, but I keep not doing it. Monday night I attended a resume workshop at the library--I feel like it was a small victory. This morning I went to volunteer, but the guy I work with was going out of town, so I only worked a couple of hours. I need to remember to log my time for that. I had rented Iron Man 2 from RedBox using a free code, so I watched it this afternoon instead of doing something. Catan was canceled and I thought I would use the extra time to do the things I didn't do earlier. Turns out I didn't. Anyhow it is late and I did not get anything of note done.
Friday, October 01, 2010
I am at the library trying to fill some time after my ;psychologist appointment and before I go to the club without driving home and that much gas. In the course of the session, I decided I need to starting planning my day more and following a schedule to get things done. I should probably be starting a schedule now, but I am not.
I did get some things done today. I stopped by the Bernina store and asked them about some things for my sister. The saleswoman did not have all the answers, but she promised to get back to me. I also took some pictures of things I have embroidered to put up on a different website. I have been meaning to do that for a while and just didn't get around to it. Hopefully I will update the website after I finish the blog here. The only problem I have is that the library closes at 6:00 and I don't know if I will have enough time to accomplish everything.
I saw a post on Wil Wheaton going through the TrueDungeon at GenCon and man I am disappointed I didn't go. I would have like to meet Wil although I am not sure I would have said much or anything. I know some of my friends think he is pretty lame, but he is a geek icon. I wanted to create a Wesley Crushers bowling shirt like Sheldon had made on The Big Bang Theory with Moonpie as the name on the front. It would have been so cool to have embroidered it all and then gone to see Wil with it on. But, alas, I did none of these things. I still haven't made the shirt even though I think it would be cool.
I also managed to continue the process of closing down the corporation so soon I will no longer be a president of the corporation. I thought I would have more problems with this, but I haven't so far.
I still need to write up what I am going to do on Sunday. I would like to have the other teacher review it and give me feedback and I have stuff planned for tomorrow--I guess I will either get up early or stay up late. We'll see how it goes.
I did get some things done today. I stopped by the Bernina store and asked them about some things for my sister. The saleswoman did not have all the answers, but she promised to get back to me. I also took some pictures of things I have embroidered to put up on a different website. I have been meaning to do that for a while and just didn't get around to it. Hopefully I will update the website after I finish the blog here. The only problem I have is that the library closes at 6:00 and I don't know if I will have enough time to accomplish everything.
I saw a post on Wil Wheaton going through the TrueDungeon at GenCon and man I am disappointed I didn't go. I would have like to meet Wil although I am not sure I would have said much or anything. I know some of my friends think he is pretty lame, but he is a geek icon. I wanted to create a Wesley Crushers bowling shirt like Sheldon had made on The Big Bang Theory with Moonpie as the name on the front. It would have been so cool to have embroidered it all and then gone to see Wil with it on. But, alas, I did none of these things. I still haven't made the shirt even though I think it would be cool.
I also managed to continue the process of closing down the corporation so soon I will no longer be a president of the corporation. I thought I would have more problems with this, but I haven't so far.
I still need to write up what I am going to do on Sunday. I would like to have the other teacher review it and give me feedback and I have stuff planned for tomorrow--I guess I will either get up early or stay up late. We'll see how it goes.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
The week has not been too bad. Last Tuesday, gaming was canceled so I decided to create a character for D&D Encounters. I started the Character Builder and was disappointed to see there was not an update. I searched the forums and discovered there had been an email sent out to some subscribers saying there would be no update in September. I became even more disappointed, but given that the update had already been pushed back 2 weeks, it was not completely unexpected. I half expect not to get an October update either.
The new season of D&D Encounters started well--we all survived. It was a lot easier than Dark Sun.
I went and played games on Friday instead of going to the club. We played the new D&D Ravenloft board game and Catan Histories: Settlers of America. Both games were a lot of fun.
Saturday I went to the Social and there were not that many people there. On top of that, there was no music playing yet. Needless to say, there was more eating than dancing. I was kind of let down, but I didn't jump up and ask women to dance.
Next Sunday I am taking the lead in SOR. We are doing the Rosary. I have been doing some research and found out Pope John Paul II added the Luminous Mysteries so there are 4 sets of mysteries instead of 3. There are also a couple new prayers that can be said at the end of a decade. We are going to keep it as simple as possible--the kids are after all only 3rd graders. I have a large rosary that was my grandfathers that I am planning to ue for demonstration. I have looked for some of my others, but I can't find them. I am not sure if I still have them or if they are in my parents house somewhere. I am excited right now and I hope this goes well.
I have applied for a couple of jobs and put more effort into my resume and the cover letters. I probably still won't get a good response, but I am improving my side and I plan to continue. I am trying to be upbeat about my job search going forward.
Now I need to practice my rosary and go to bed.
The new season of D&D Encounters started well--we all survived. It was a lot easier than Dark Sun.
I went and played games on Friday instead of going to the club. We played the new D&D Ravenloft board game and Catan Histories: Settlers of America. Both games were a lot of fun.
Saturday I went to the Social and there were not that many people there. On top of that, there was no music playing yet. Needless to say, there was more eating than dancing. I was kind of let down, but I didn't jump up and ask women to dance.
Next Sunday I am taking the lead in SOR. We are doing the Rosary. I have been doing some research and found out Pope John Paul II added the Luminous Mysteries so there are 4 sets of mysteries instead of 3. There are also a couple new prayers that can be said at the end of a decade. We are going to keep it as simple as possible--the kids are after all only 3rd graders. I have a large rosary that was my grandfathers that I am planning to ue for demonstration. I have looked for some of my others, but I can't find them. I am not sure if I still have them or if they are in my parents house somewhere. I am excited right now and I hope this goes well.
I have applied for a couple of jobs and put more effort into my resume and the cover letters. I probably still won't get a good response, but I am improving my side and I plan to continue. I am trying to be upbeat about my job search going forward.
Now I need to practice my rosary and go to bed.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I have only been posting once a week lately. I am not sure if that is because I am feeling better or because I am sliding into old patterns. My sleep schedule got out of whack last weekend with all the activity and I still haven't gotten it back together. I really didn't do much of anything this week at all--and that is way too familiar.
Wednesday was the last night of the Darksun D&D Encounters. This week we will start Keep on the Borderlands. Hopefully Wizards of the Coast will get the updates to the Character Generator out tomorrow like they have indicated. They already pushed back this months updates by 2 weeks. I am hoping to make a character for the game instead of using a pregenerated character, but that is all predicated on whether the updates are out or not.
Wednesday night we played more Thunderstone. I like the game, but I also like to play a variety of games. On Thursday we played Dominion. Thunderstone's game mechanic seems based on the Dominion mechanic. Of course a big part of the whole experience is playing games with my friends, so that makes itworthwhile. Saturday night we played a couple of games of Settlers of Catan and a game of Shanghai.
I did get some laundry done this week and was able to run the dishwasher once. I also made Pineapple Salsa with Cream Cheese to take to the Catan game. They ate it up. There was some discusion of large pinneapple chunks versus crushed pineapple pieces. It probably should have set up a little longer in the refrigerator before I mixed in the cream cheese. Alsom I didn;t put in a jalapeno pepper that was suggested and the ginger I put in was not grated but minced, so I don't htink the flavor fully got out. I keep wondering if I should have sauteed the ginger with the peppers and onions, That would take away the crunch that I did not particularily care for. Several people liked it, but there was some dissension. I wish there was an opportunity to show it off to my dance friends.
I am fading as you can see. I took an Ambien to help me sleep and get my rhythm back on track. I seem to be a little light headed and I can't focus quite like I am used to. I don't really feel tired, but I do feel like I am going to fall dead asleep in a minute. I will post if anyone has an opinion on my salsa. Tomorrow is volunteer day at Harvesters and I an very excited..
Wednesday was the last night of the Darksun D&D Encounters. This week we will start Keep on the Borderlands. Hopefully Wizards of the Coast will get the updates to the Character Generator out tomorrow like they have indicated. They already pushed back this months updates by 2 weeks. I am hoping to make a character for the game instead of using a pregenerated character, but that is all predicated on whether the updates are out or not.
Wednesday night we played more Thunderstone. I like the game, but I also like to play a variety of games. On Thursday we played Dominion. Thunderstone's game mechanic seems based on the Dominion mechanic. Of course a big part of the whole experience is playing games with my friends, so that makes itworthwhile. Saturday night we played a couple of games of Settlers of Catan and a game of Shanghai.
I did get some laundry done this week and was able to run the dishwasher once. I also made Pineapple Salsa with Cream Cheese to take to the Catan game. They ate it up. There was some discusion of large pinneapple chunks versus crushed pineapple pieces. It probably should have set up a little longer in the refrigerator before I mixed in the cream cheese. Alsom I didn;t put in a jalapeno pepper that was suggested and the ginger I put in was not grated but minced, so I don't htink the flavor fully got out. I keep wondering if I should have sauteed the ginger with the peppers and onions, That would take away the crunch that I did not particularily care for. Several people liked it, but there was some dissension. I wish there was an opportunity to show it off to my dance friends.
I am fading as you can see. I took an Ambien to help me sleep and get my rhythm back on track. I seem to be a little light headed and I can't focus quite like I am used to. I don't really feel tired, but I do feel like I am going to fall dead asleep in a minute. I will post if anyone has an opinion on my salsa. Tomorrow is volunteer day at Harvesters and I an very excited..
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I am feeling better about my life these days and you can kind of tell by how infrequently I am posting. I am having to force myself to update after several days. Of course, I feel like my life has been getting busier--even if it is not. On Wednesday, I was still a little tired from getting up early and going to Harvesters as well as from all the activity on the weekend. Even though I had planned to do a bunch of things, I ended up barley getting to the bike store to pick up my bike before going to play in D&D Encounters. We have one last encounter in this session. For some reason I wasn't as excited about the session. Afterward we went to a friend's house and played a couple of games.
We played Settlers of America: Trails to Rails. It is part of the Catan Histories games from Mayfair Games. Klaus Teuber is definitely getting a lot of mileage out of the Settlers of Catan franchise. I was a bit confused as to a strategy in the beginning and that proved fatal in my end game. I started to slow and was not able to catch up later. Of course luck was a part of the problem since it still had the dice roll mechanic. Unlike the original Catan game, to win you had to deliver all your goods. In the original you collected victory points which could come from multiple sources. To win Settlers of America you must place all you cities in order to free up all your goods to be delivered. To deliver the goods, you must build a train and move the train along rails you have built or pay to ride on an opponents rail. It was an interesting game and I wouldn't mind playing it again. I don't think they have left an option to extend the game to 5or 6 players nor do I think they will be adding any expansions. The hexes are a fixed map with only some of the numbers being randomized. The interesting part is that the random numbers move from hexes in the east to hexes in the west as settlers move west. I did not win the game and I believe I had the most cities left to build and the most goods left to be delivered.
I was up too late on Wednesday and therefore got up late on Thursday. I packed up some folding tables and met my friend from up north so that his wife could use them in her garage sale Friday and Saturday. I then met some ex-co-workers at Panera and played some games of Dominion with the expansions. I actually won a game, which generally doesn't happen. When I got home I went through my DVDs so that Icould take them up to the garage sale the next morning. Again I was up late and to make matters worse, I had said I would be up north around 9 AM.
Friday morning I went up north to help with the garage sale. My friends had to work and another friend of theirs was watching the garage sale. She had brought some stuff of her own, but she had never had a garage sale before. There was a constant threat of rain so we didn't pull very much out into the driveway. There was actually more traffic than I expected and Friday morning went pretty well--what I didn't know ahead of time was that it was a city wide garage sale weekend. I didn't pull the DVDs out on Friday and I had to leave a little afternoon to go see my psychologist.
It was probably one of the better appointments we have had. He asked how I wanted to proceed and gave be three basic options. I explained to him how I felt all three options related and I talked more about my social life. We discussed intimacy--not from a sexual context, but from a personal context of not letting people in. He related this to vulnerability and trust. Vulnerable come from a Latin word that means "I wound". When you extrapolate to the noun form, you loosely come up with "able to be wounded". Anyhow, we tend to think of vulnerability as a weakness in today's world, so I didn't want to be vulnerable. The discussion was about my not wanting to be vulnerable and therefore not having any intimacy, therefore I was unhappy with my current lot where I wanted to be more social and wanted to feel more connected to people. I probably am not doing the discussion much justice, but it makes sense in my head and I am having problems putting it into words, because there seems to be some feelings tied up in these concepts for me. This resulted from me pointing out that even though I seem to have a rich social life, I am either standing back watching the action, standing behind the bar serving drinks, or engaged in playing a game. I am still not very open. What I have come to realize is that I tend to be more open with women than men and I think that may be that I feel I can not show any vulnerability around other men. I even am unsettled when I am talking about personal matters around my best friend. The other thing the psychologist brought up is that he thinks I have a lot of wisdom. For some reason, this bothers me--I like to think I am insightful, not that I have wisdom. I need to ponder on the difference and decide why I feel that way.
I stopped by Sam's on my way home and bought some food. On my way home I called my older sister because I hadn't heard from her since I talked to her on her birthday the Friday before. I was talking about the garage sale and she pushed me to take some stuff up there and try to sell it. I spent the evening going through CDs and collecting some things from around the house. I pulled out some luggage and a few small things from here and there. I was once again up way too late, but I knew if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it. I even put everything in the car before going to bed.
6 AM Saturday morning came entirely too early. I managed to get up north by around 7:15 AM. They were still pulling some stuff out of the garage. I pulled most of the stuff out of my car--there were a few things I left. I priced everything a little high for a garage sale--but still a good deal, so that I could negotiate down a little to make the sale. A lot of people came by, but they weren't buying the CDs and DVDs at first. Later in the morning, they started selling. I made a few deals, but mostly they paid the price I marked them at. I was disappointed in the luggage. When I left around noon, only an old black suitcase my sister had given to me when I flew back home from her house in between Thanksgiving and Christmas last year had sold. She told me to just throw the suitcase away, because she didn't want it an more. I ended up making 5 bucks off it. It was an absolute beautiful day for a garage sale--it was sunny, but the a cool breeze was blowing and the temperature was in the upper 70's/low 80's.
I left around noon to go to the D&D Game Day for D&D Essentials. One of the regular encounters players brought a group of her friends, so I ran one table while the coordinator ran the other table. I had a blast and I hope the people at my table had a good time. They really had not played a lot of 4th edition it seemed like. I am really enjoying running the game. I am a little upset the coordinator does not want to do the Gamma World Game Day, but with the booster pack cards and stuff, I can see why he didn't. I think it will cost more than it is worth.
After the game I went to the Showcase dinner. I had missed all the dancing during the day, but I went to celebrate at the dinner. The food was good, but I was so tired. I ended up leaving a little early and going home to go to bed. I had a busy Sunday morning ahead of me.
Sunday morning I woke up, but stayed in bed a little too long and didn't really prepare for the Sunday school class. Of course, I really didn't need to do much preparation since the other teacher was going to take the lead for this month. The kids were actually well behaved. You could tell a couple of the kids are very bright--I don't think there is a one with any type of learning issue, but we will see. Since they are only 3rd graders, their attention did wander at times. I was very nervous the entire time and still am even now. Hopefully, I will be better next Sunday. I went mass after and finally got home a little after noon. I fixed a lunch and started to catch up on things on the computer when I got really tired. I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours in the Lay-Z-Boy and being somewhat groggy the rest of the day. I was ready to go to bed on time when I decided to update this blog and now it is almost 2 hours later and definitely not early.
We played Settlers of America: Trails to Rails. It is part of the Catan Histories games from Mayfair Games. Klaus Teuber is definitely getting a lot of mileage out of the Settlers of Catan franchise. I was a bit confused as to a strategy in the beginning and that proved fatal in my end game. I started to slow and was not able to catch up later. Of course luck was a part of the problem since it still had the dice roll mechanic. Unlike the original Catan game, to win you had to deliver all your goods. In the original you collected victory points which could come from multiple sources. To win Settlers of America you must place all you cities in order to free up all your goods to be delivered. To deliver the goods, you must build a train and move the train along rails you have built or pay to ride on an opponents rail. It was an interesting game and I wouldn't mind playing it again. I don't think they have left an option to extend the game to 5or 6 players nor do I think they will be adding any expansions. The hexes are a fixed map with only some of the numbers being randomized. The interesting part is that the random numbers move from hexes in the east to hexes in the west as settlers move west. I did not win the game and I believe I had the most cities left to build and the most goods left to be delivered.
I was up too late on Wednesday and therefore got up late on Thursday. I packed up some folding tables and met my friend from up north so that his wife could use them in her garage sale Friday and Saturday. I then met some ex-co-workers at Panera and played some games of Dominion with the expansions. I actually won a game, which generally doesn't happen. When I got home I went through my DVDs so that Icould take them up to the garage sale the next morning. Again I was up late and to make matters worse, I had said I would be up north around 9 AM.
Friday morning I went up north to help with the garage sale. My friends had to work and another friend of theirs was watching the garage sale. She had brought some stuff of her own, but she had never had a garage sale before. There was a constant threat of rain so we didn't pull very much out into the driveway. There was actually more traffic than I expected and Friday morning went pretty well--what I didn't know ahead of time was that it was a city wide garage sale weekend. I didn't pull the DVDs out on Friday and I had to leave a little afternoon to go see my psychologist.
It was probably one of the better appointments we have had. He asked how I wanted to proceed and gave be three basic options. I explained to him how I felt all three options related and I talked more about my social life. We discussed intimacy--not from a sexual context, but from a personal context of not letting people in. He related this to vulnerability and trust. Vulnerable come from a Latin word that means "I wound". When you extrapolate to the noun form, you loosely come up with "able to be wounded". Anyhow, we tend to think of vulnerability as a weakness in today's world, so I didn't want to be vulnerable. The discussion was about my not wanting to be vulnerable and therefore not having any intimacy, therefore I was unhappy with my current lot where I wanted to be more social and wanted to feel more connected to people. I probably am not doing the discussion much justice, but it makes sense in my head and I am having problems putting it into words, because there seems to be some feelings tied up in these concepts for me. This resulted from me pointing out that even though I seem to have a rich social life, I am either standing back watching the action, standing behind the bar serving drinks, or engaged in playing a game. I am still not very open. What I have come to realize is that I tend to be more open with women than men and I think that may be that I feel I can not show any vulnerability around other men. I even am unsettled when I am talking about personal matters around my best friend. The other thing the psychologist brought up is that he thinks I have a lot of wisdom. For some reason, this bothers me--I like to think I am insightful, not that I have wisdom. I need to ponder on the difference and decide why I feel that way.
I stopped by Sam's on my way home and bought some food. On my way home I called my older sister because I hadn't heard from her since I talked to her on her birthday the Friday before. I was talking about the garage sale and she pushed me to take some stuff up there and try to sell it. I spent the evening going through CDs and collecting some things from around the house. I pulled out some luggage and a few small things from here and there. I was once again up way too late, but I knew if I didn't do it then, I wouldn't do it. I even put everything in the car before going to bed.
6 AM Saturday morning came entirely too early. I managed to get up north by around 7:15 AM. They were still pulling some stuff out of the garage. I pulled most of the stuff out of my car--there were a few things I left. I priced everything a little high for a garage sale--but still a good deal, so that I could negotiate down a little to make the sale. A lot of people came by, but they weren't buying the CDs and DVDs at first. Later in the morning, they started selling. I made a few deals, but mostly they paid the price I marked them at. I was disappointed in the luggage. When I left around noon, only an old black suitcase my sister had given to me when I flew back home from her house in between Thanksgiving and Christmas last year had sold. She told me to just throw the suitcase away, because she didn't want it an more. I ended up making 5 bucks off it. It was an absolute beautiful day for a garage sale--it was sunny, but the a cool breeze was blowing and the temperature was in the upper 70's/low 80's.
I left around noon to go to the D&D Game Day for D&D Essentials. One of the regular encounters players brought a group of her friends, so I ran one table while the coordinator ran the other table. I had a blast and I hope the people at my table had a good time. They really had not played a lot of 4th edition it seemed like. I am really enjoying running the game. I am a little upset the coordinator does not want to do the Gamma World Game Day, but with the booster pack cards and stuff, I can see why he didn't. I think it will cost more than it is worth.
After the game I went to the Showcase dinner. I had missed all the dancing during the day, but I went to celebrate at the dinner. The food was good, but I was so tired. I ended up leaving a little early and going home to go to bed. I had a busy Sunday morning ahead of me.
Sunday morning I woke up, but stayed in bed a little too long and didn't really prepare for the Sunday school class. Of course, I really didn't need to do much preparation since the other teacher was going to take the lead for this month. The kids were actually well behaved. You could tell a couple of the kids are very bright--I don't think there is a one with any type of learning issue, but we will see. Since they are only 3rd graders, their attention did wander at times. I was very nervous the entire time and still am even now. Hopefully, I will be better next Sunday. I went mass after and finally got home a little after noon. I fixed a lunch and started to catch up on things on the computer when I got really tired. I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours in the Lay-Z-Boy and being somewhat groggy the rest of the day. I was ready to go to bed on time when I decided to update this blog and now it is almost 2 hours later and definitely not early.
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Today was this first day that I volunteered at Harvester's. I didn't get that much done because I was getting to know the lay of the land. I had a good time and the time went by very quickly. I kind of don't want to wait for two weeks. Afterward I went to DirectBuy for their little spiel. I signed up on the internet last week sometime in order to get points or something. I didn't win the grand prize, but the gave me two $100.00 gift cards to restaurants.com. I went out there and I was a little disappointed that not all locations of a restaurant were in their database. I wanted to get a gift card for The Melting Pot in South Carolina where my sister is, but that location wasn't an option even though my local Melting Pot was in the database.
I actually had a pretty good holiday weekend. Friday I took one of my cable boxes back and cancelled part of my cable services to try to lower my bill. After my psychologist appointment, I went to the DMV and waited forever to return the tags on my car I had sold. Afterward I went to some friends' house and played Settlers of Catan (by Mayfair games in the US). I won the first game and I haven't won in a while. We played with Seafarers, Cities and Knights, and Fishermen of Catan and Habormaster from Traders and Barbarians. It can be a pain to set up, but it can be a lot of fun. Saturday after I skyped (I htink Skype is a wonderful thing) my little sister and saw my new niece, I rummaged through the basement to find the bungee cords to secure my bike to the carrier. In the end, the bungee cords were in the garage and the bike carrier did not fit on my car. I have two carriers and one fits on a small car (I bought it for a Miata) and the other went over a spare tire on the back of a SUV. Since my current car is neither of these, I ended up putting the bike in the trunk. I took my mountain bike to the shop for new gear shifters right before they closed. I then went to Sam's Club to do some grocery shopping. Later I swapped the TV in my bedroom with a small flat screen I had on the wall in one of the extra bedroom. The TV in my bedroom is like 20 years old and the remote no longer works. This was not a problem when I had it connected to a cable box. The new TV is larger, but without the cable box I am not watching it too much. I really miss the on screen programming, but it is keeping from staying in bed all day.
Sunday was the big day. I got up early to go to mass and then went to some friends' house for a pool party. Of course I didn't get in the pool, but it was enjoyable to talk with some of the other there. At one point we were reminiscing about the good old days when memory was sized KB and you had to manage the memory using HiMem for some things so that Windows could run.
I left the pool party early so that I could go to some other friends' house where we played Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot (by Playroom games). Since we haven't played in a while it took some time to remember the rules. We played with blue, yellow, red, violet, green, twilight white, perfectly pink, and stainless steel decks. I wanted to add in wacky khaki, but the others were against it. I am hoping we will add wacky khaki and ominous onyx in the near future. It really depends on when we play again.
Monday I ended up sleeping most of the day. I was tired on Sunday because I got up early and so I slept a lot on Monday. It was good to sleep, but I did not get anything done. I still am not getting much done, or at least I am not getting the things I want to do done.
I talked to Mom Monday night and she was trying to book tickets to visit my little sister and her new baby. She was having some difficulties and once I got her to share her screen on Skype (see previous comment), I was able to help her get what she needed done. It did take a very long time, so we didn't talk much about what was going on, although I did talk to Dad for a while prior to talking to Mom. He seems to be doing well. They had a small party for my older sister who turned 50 at some point in the weekend. I hope she had a good time, I haven't talked to her since then.
One day last week I woke up and wrote down the dream I had. I was back in college, but the campus was nothing like the college I went to. The other odd thing was that I looked as I do now and not as I did when I was younger. I was looking for my friends after having an argument with my little brother (who did not go to the same college as I did). Everyone was partying and having a good time. I am not sure what exactly was going on--there was just a lot of people carousing and some were even dressed in costumes. I was trying to participate, but was not getting a positive response from the other people so I continued on. At some point I started dancing with a beautiful woman who did not know how to dance. It was a bit difficult because we were dancing outside on a large expanse of grass. I was leading her in a waltz, although I don't remember any particular music--we stopped to talk to some people who were in our way. I don't remember the conversation, but it was brief and I was explaining the steps and what I wanted her to do when I woke up.
I am not sure if I truly dreamed this or if this was what I was thinking in that time when you are in the process of waking up. Normally, I think about all the things I have to do and imagine how well I am going to do them in the mornings. Of course, I am always disappointed because things never go that way. Anyhow tomorrow is another day and maybe I will get something done.
I actually had a pretty good holiday weekend. Friday I took one of my cable boxes back and cancelled part of my cable services to try to lower my bill. After my psychologist appointment, I went to the DMV and waited forever to return the tags on my car I had sold. Afterward I went to some friends' house and played Settlers of Catan (by Mayfair games in the US). I won the first game and I haven't won in a while. We played with Seafarers, Cities and Knights, and Fishermen of Catan and Habormaster from Traders and Barbarians. It can be a pain to set up, but it can be a lot of fun. Saturday after I skyped (I htink Skype is a wonderful thing) my little sister and saw my new niece, I rummaged through the basement to find the bungee cords to secure my bike to the carrier. In the end, the bungee cords were in the garage and the bike carrier did not fit on my car. I have two carriers and one fits on a small car (I bought it for a Miata) and the other went over a spare tire on the back of a SUV. Since my current car is neither of these, I ended up putting the bike in the trunk. I took my mountain bike to the shop for new gear shifters right before they closed. I then went to Sam's Club to do some grocery shopping. Later I swapped the TV in my bedroom with a small flat screen I had on the wall in one of the extra bedroom. The TV in my bedroom is like 20 years old and the remote no longer works. This was not a problem when I had it connected to a cable box. The new TV is larger, but without the cable box I am not watching it too much. I really miss the on screen programming, but it is keeping from staying in bed all day.
Sunday was the big day. I got up early to go to mass and then went to some friends' house for a pool party. Of course I didn't get in the pool, but it was enjoyable to talk with some of the other there. At one point we were reminiscing about the good old days when memory was sized KB and you had to manage the memory using HiMem for some things so that Windows could run.
I left the pool party early so that I could go to some other friends' house where we played Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot (by Playroom games). Since we haven't played in a while it took some time to remember the rules. We played with blue, yellow, red, violet, green, twilight white, perfectly pink, and stainless steel decks. I wanted to add in wacky khaki, but the others were against it. I am hoping we will add wacky khaki and ominous onyx in the near future. It really depends on when we play again.
Monday I ended up sleeping most of the day. I was tired on Sunday because I got up early and so I slept a lot on Monday. It was good to sleep, but I did not get anything done. I still am not getting much done, or at least I am not getting the things I want to do done.
I talked to Mom Monday night and she was trying to book tickets to visit my little sister and her new baby. She was having some difficulties and once I got her to share her screen on Skype (see previous comment), I was able to help her get what she needed done. It did take a very long time, so we didn't talk much about what was going on, although I did talk to Dad for a while prior to talking to Mom. He seems to be doing well. They had a small party for my older sister who turned 50 at some point in the weekend. I hope she had a good time, I haven't talked to her since then.
One day last week I woke up and wrote down the dream I had. I was back in college, but the campus was nothing like the college I went to. The other odd thing was that I looked as I do now and not as I did when I was younger. I was looking for my friends after having an argument with my little brother (who did not go to the same college as I did). Everyone was partying and having a good time. I am not sure what exactly was going on--there was just a lot of people carousing and some were even dressed in costumes. I was trying to participate, but was not getting a positive response from the other people so I continued on. At some point I started dancing with a beautiful woman who did not know how to dance. It was a bit difficult because we were dancing outside on a large expanse of grass. I was leading her in a waltz, although I don't remember any particular music--we stopped to talk to some people who were in our way. I don't remember the conversation, but it was brief and I was explaining the steps and what I wanted her to do when I woke up.
I am not sure if I truly dreamed this or if this was what I was thinking in that time when you are in the process of waking up. Normally, I think about all the things I have to do and imagine how well I am going to do them in the mornings. Of course, I am always disappointed because things never go that way. Anyhow tomorrow is another day and maybe I will get something done.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
I can't believe I haven't posted since Monday. I have been using this blog kind of like a personal journal and the posting has been kind of therapeutic. I have gotten a few things done this week: I sold my second car, took my bike to the Trek store to get the shifters fixed, deposited some checks, and waited in line at the DMV for a refund on the tags from the car I sold. I did some things on-line, but I still haven't worked much on my resume or finding a job.
Unfortunately, I am very tired so I am going to bed.
Unfortunately, I am very tired so I am going to bed.
Monday, August 30, 2010
All week I have been feeling pretty good. When I played games at Ralph's on Saturday, he said he thought I was doing much better. I really had a good time. We played some new games that I had not played before--Loot and Family Business. I didn't care for Family Business even though I won, but that was mostly because I am not fond of elimination games. As people were talking about leaving, I got a text to meet some other friends to play games--so I went there afterward and played domino--Mexican Train and Chicken Foot. I am not a big fan of these games, but I really enjoy the company so it wasn't so bad.
Friday night at the dance club, I managed to hit a wine bottle with my elbow and as it was falling I reached for it, the bottle spun around sending wine everywhere, but i managed to catch it before it hit the floor. We ended up with red wine all over the wall and the floor, but I managed to save more than half the bottle. It took a while to clean up and I had a huge wet spot on my leg. Luckily I was wearing black pants so you couldn't see a stain. I scrubbed the wall and the front of the refrigerator for a long time and got most of the wine off. The refrigerator is white and there were some light steaks left at the end--I am probably the only one who cares about that. Darryl had dropped a bucket of ice prior to that, so neither of us was having a good evening.
Over the last couple of days, I agreed to help teach Sunday school at church. There was a meeting this morning to meet the other teachers and get an idea what we would be doing and now I wonder why I signed up--although honestly, I am not as scared as I thought I would be. We start the Sunday after Labor Day so I have two weeks to get really worked up. I hope this is a good experience. The funny thing was that my co-teacher remembered me from when I would show up at church and sit with Roland and his family. She wondered what the relationship was. I kind of flashed back to when we were asked the question one Sunday after church standing in line to get donuts. Of course, I stopped doing that once they moved up north. i explained that they had moved up north and that they attended another church.
I am still unable to remember my dreams. In the morning my dreams are still vivid while I am in the process of waking up, but once I move around, I forget everything. I will try again in the morning, but it hasn't been working well.
Friday night at the dance club, I managed to hit a wine bottle with my elbow and as it was falling I reached for it, the bottle spun around sending wine everywhere, but i managed to catch it before it hit the floor. We ended up with red wine all over the wall and the floor, but I managed to save more than half the bottle. It took a while to clean up and I had a huge wet spot on my leg. Luckily I was wearing black pants so you couldn't see a stain. I scrubbed the wall and the front of the refrigerator for a long time and got most of the wine off. The refrigerator is white and there were some light steaks left at the end--I am probably the only one who cares about that. Darryl had dropped a bucket of ice prior to that, so neither of us was having a good evening.
Over the last couple of days, I agreed to help teach Sunday school at church. There was a meeting this morning to meet the other teachers and get an idea what we would be doing and now I wonder why I signed up--although honestly, I am not as scared as I thought I would be. We start the Sunday after Labor Day so I have two weeks to get really worked up. I hope this is a good experience. The funny thing was that my co-teacher remembered me from when I would show up at church and sit with Roland and his family. She wondered what the relationship was. I kind of flashed back to when we were asked the question one Sunday after church standing in line to get donuts. Of course, I stopped doing that once they moved up north. i explained that they had moved up north and that they attended another church.
I am still unable to remember my dreams. In the morning my dreams are still vivid while I am in the process of waking up, but once I move around, I forget everything. I will try again in the morning, but it hasn't been working well.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
I almost missed my appointment with my psychologist. I can't seem to get to bed at a decent time, so I got up late and then the morning flew by. I got some laundry done and I managed to charge the battery in the Tracker. I had started the process yesterday, but stopped it when I went to meet a friend for dinner and games before going to the club for a special party. I hooked the battery back up to the charger this morning, and when I got back from my appointment, it was charged. I put the battery back in the Tracker and it cranked right up. now I just need to take it to CarMax and see what they will give me for it.
At the psychologist I told him about my aspirin overdose when I was little and he seems to think that might be why I feel helpless a lot and why I have such deep fear issues. It makes sense to me from a logical perspective, but I am not feeling it emotionally. He said I need to "internally digest" it. He also wants me to keep a dream journal--really he is just curious about my dreams, but he did suggest a dream journal when I explained I don;t seem to remember my dreams. Some of my medication seems to prevent me from having dreams, so I am going to try to stay off the sleep aids. I have been trying to take less anyway, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Although tonight it is already late and I am supposed to play games tomorrow at Ralph's starting at 11:00 AM.
I want to do some things in the morning--mostly I was going to make a chicken, broccoli, cheese and rice casserole to take since I already have the ingredients. That means I need about an hour to put it together and cook everything. Now that I think about it, it doesn't sound like such a good idea, but I plan to do it anyway. I have been logging game play on BoardGameGeek.com and I am excited to log tomorrow's games. I am not sure what we will play and Ralph thinks there might be 7 of us which really limits the games we can play. Frank is supposed to be there and I want to talk to him about my road bike. I wanted to call him up and talk to him about maybe taking my road bike to the store close to him to see if the guy he knows can true up the wheels. I didn't do it, so I am not going to take the bike. I sent out a list of games I could bring and only heard that someone doesn't like Playroom's Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot. I was thinking about inviting Andi and having her bring her copy with all the expansions, but now I won't.
Today I also agreed to help with Sunday School at the church. I have kind of wanted to get more involved with the church and when I got the email practically begging for help, I couldn't say no. In a way it was like a sign from God. I am actually excited for this. I now have to attend a meeting Sunday morning to meet all the people and go through what we will be doing. I thought I would be more scared, but I seem to be doing much better lately--and I don't know why. Maybe the therapy is actually working and I just don't realize it. I am not having grandiose fantasies about how I will be the best instructor and everyone will be awed by me. I just know I will do a good job, because that is the type of person I am. I enjoy children and think this will be good for me while I am doing something good for others. It is not going to be easy to be there every Sunday morning, but I plan to try my best to be there as much as possible.
I finally bought a whiteboard for me to write reminders and notes on. I even hung it on a wall as I come down the stairs. We will have to see how it works for me, but lately I feel like I have forgotten so many things and hopefully this will keep me on top of things.
Now that I am feeling better, I wonder if I should have given up on the consulting business. My main concern is that I am doing so well because I gave up the business. I really need to update my resume and send it out to some key people. I keep saying I will do it tomorrow and that is the classic trap I get into. The good news is that I have been cleaning up around the house and getting some other things done while I am procrastinating instead of just playing on the computer all day or watching TV. My garage is a little cleaner and I manage to pick up tools from all over the house and organize them in the toolboxes. I am hoping this is a tend that I continue. I would really like to have a clean house.
It is really late and I already mentioned I have a busy day tomorrow, so I will go to bed, but I have noticed through Google Analytics that more people are landing on my site. While I wish they would click on some ads to generate revenue, I am a little apprehensive that someone might actually be reading what I type. Since they are anonymous, I am able to handle it. If you are reading this, just click through some of the ads--you do not have to buy anything, just click.
At the psychologist I told him about my aspirin overdose when I was little and he seems to think that might be why I feel helpless a lot and why I have such deep fear issues. It makes sense to me from a logical perspective, but I am not feeling it emotionally. He said I need to "internally digest" it. He also wants me to keep a dream journal--really he is just curious about my dreams, but he did suggest a dream journal when I explained I don;t seem to remember my dreams. Some of my medication seems to prevent me from having dreams, so I am going to try to stay off the sleep aids. I have been trying to take less anyway, so it shouldn't be a big deal. Although tonight it is already late and I am supposed to play games tomorrow at Ralph's starting at 11:00 AM.
I want to do some things in the morning--mostly I was going to make a chicken, broccoli, cheese and rice casserole to take since I already have the ingredients. That means I need about an hour to put it together and cook everything. Now that I think about it, it doesn't sound like such a good idea, but I plan to do it anyway. I have been logging game play on BoardGameGeek.com and I am excited to log tomorrow's games. I am not sure what we will play and Ralph thinks there might be 7 of us which really limits the games we can play. Frank is supposed to be there and I want to talk to him about my road bike. I wanted to call him up and talk to him about maybe taking my road bike to the store close to him to see if the guy he knows can true up the wheels. I didn't do it, so I am not going to take the bike. I sent out a list of games I could bring and only heard that someone doesn't like Playroom's Killer Bunnies and the Quest for the Magic Carrot. I was thinking about inviting Andi and having her bring her copy with all the expansions, but now I won't.
Today I also agreed to help with Sunday School at the church. I have kind of wanted to get more involved with the church and when I got the email practically begging for help, I couldn't say no. In a way it was like a sign from God. I am actually excited for this. I now have to attend a meeting Sunday morning to meet all the people and go through what we will be doing. I thought I would be more scared, but I seem to be doing much better lately--and I don't know why. Maybe the therapy is actually working and I just don't realize it. I am not having grandiose fantasies about how I will be the best instructor and everyone will be awed by me. I just know I will do a good job, because that is the type of person I am. I enjoy children and think this will be good for me while I am doing something good for others. It is not going to be easy to be there every Sunday morning, but I plan to try my best to be there as much as possible.
I finally bought a whiteboard for me to write reminders and notes on. I even hung it on a wall as I come down the stairs. We will have to see how it works for me, but lately I feel like I have forgotten so many things and hopefully this will keep me on top of things.
Now that I am feeling better, I wonder if I should have given up on the consulting business. My main concern is that I am doing so well because I gave up the business. I really need to update my resume and send it out to some key people. I keep saying I will do it tomorrow and that is the classic trap I get into. The good news is that I have been cleaning up around the house and getting some other things done while I am procrastinating instead of just playing on the computer all day or watching TV. My garage is a little cleaner and I manage to pick up tools from all over the house and organize them in the toolboxes. I am hoping this is a tend that I continue. I would really like to have a clean house.
It is really late and I already mentioned I have a busy day tomorrow, so I will go to bed, but I have noticed through Google Analytics that more people are landing on my site. While I wish they would click on some ads to generate revenue, I am a little apprehensive that someone might actually be reading what I type. Since they are anonymous, I am able to handle it. If you are reading this, just click through some of the ads--you do not have to buy anything, just click.
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