I woke up today and it was already 8:00 AM.  After waking up early yesterday and getting quite a bit accomplished I was a little disappointed in myself.  I ended going back to sleep on and off until about noon.  When I got up, I immediately took a shower which it a bit unusual for me lately.  I did play a few more games than I wanted, but eventually I left a message for Brad who brokered my franchise about stopping by.  I was surprised that he never contacted me.  That mystery was solved when I stopped by his storefront--he is at the national convention and won't be back until next week.


From there I went to the library.  I played another quick game and checked a few things before I started adding to this blog for Sunday and yesterday.  I was on a roll and did not realize how late it was getting.  I was working on shutting down and heading out when Kelle called.  Kelle is an old friend I used to work with.  Her and her husband are both semi-retired even though they are both in their early forties.  We talked for quite a while as I drove to Chick-Fil-A to pick up dinner and then on to Mike and Sue's where we were going to play our usual Tuesday night game of Settlers of Catan.  I gave her an overview of my issues and she went on about some of her problems.  Ever since I have known Kelle she has all the home projects that she starts and never finishes and she is still the same way.  She was complaining about the stuff she had about and how hard it was to organize.  I feel sympathy because I am sort of the same way.  I just don't have a lot of projects.  She talked so much I was a little late for the game.  I was outside the house talking for at least 15 minutes.  Had I known we were still waiting on Jeff, I probably wouldn't have been so concerned.

When I went inside I was surprised to find Sue and Mark still upstairs.  Mike still wasn't home and Jeff had mot arrived--he was riding his bike over.  Anyhow, Mark was a little upset because his Mom wanted him to come home--several states away--by Thursday.  He already had a trip planned where he would be there next week.  She has been having problems with dizziness and was waiting for a neighbor to come home to take her to the hospital.  Mark was concerned, but he was trying very hard to be somewhat nonchalant about it.  He was expressing a little bit of anger at his mother.  During the game, he got a call from the neighbor who let him know what was happening.  You could tell he was agitated during the call and immediate afterward got very angry and threw some things.  As he stormed out of the basement, you could tell he was very upset and he said he was going home.  Sue tried to convince him to stay and clam down, but he was insistent.  We took him out of the game and continued playing.  A few minutes later he came back because his phone--that he threw on the ground--was not working.  Luckily we convinced him to stick around and Sue let him borrow her phone.  We were all very worried about him driving in the state he was in.   He played in the second game and was much calmer when we left.

The whole situation brought back memories of when I was told my brother was killed.  I know I have mentioned this before, but I was so emotional that I was crying constantly.  I had planned to leave right away and drive to my sister's house which was a couple hours away and then ride with her and her family to my parents around 10 hours away.  My manager convinced me to fly home.  He had our corporate travel agency book everything for me.  Because the flight was not until the next morning, I was able to lie in bed for a few hours, calm down and get a grip.  I was still emotional while driving to the airport--I was in Miami and this was the time when some tourists had been killed.  I kept thinking--here it is 5 in the morning, it's tourist season in Florida and I am driving through downtown to the airport in a rental car which at that time had special license plates so everyone knew it was a rental.  I remember thinking "Great.  I am going to get killed in Miami and my parents are going to go over the edge."  I made it home without issue, other than I arrived at the airport an hour before my flight and there was no one at the ticket counter.  My manager was correct, it was much better for me to fly than to drive/ride with my sister. The only thing is that I don't remember being angry.  I had a lot of emotions, but I don't really remember what those exact emotions were--I just remember the uncontrollable crying.

On Sunday my sister had said that her students had helped her to get through things.  They asked her a lot of questions and made her talk about it.  Of course they waited a week before they started asking any questions and was surprised by this.  Anyhow, I remember talking a little bit to my manager and to Roland, but I am not sure I have ever really talked about it a lot with anyone.  I actually went to a therapist, but I did not like the result and never went back.  She gave me a lot of homework and then told me to call back for an appointment.  While she probably didn't know it, but I had issues calling for the first appointment, there was no way I was doing that again. 

I am glad that my current therapist didn't do that, but I am probably sticking with him, because of feeling an obligation even though I am concerned about whether I am really getting help.  Of course, it may be me.  I tend to hold things close and while I am trying to be open, I may not be doing as good a job as I think.  Anyhow, I will have lots to say on Friday, and probably not even talk about a small percentage of it.